I almost told him that there would be instruments in Promised Land and people who might be able to teach him how to play, but I held my tongue.
“There are so many options to choose from,” he said, returning his attention to the menu. “Most of these I’ve never tried before.”
“Do you want me to help you pick?” I asked and he nodded gratefully. “Do you like white sauce or red sauce?”
“Both?”
“How about we order one of each and share?”
“Okay.”
When the server returned, I ordered the classics, spaghetti with meatballs and chicken Alfredo with extra garlic bread. Kitten still needed fattening up, especially if we were going to be hiking part of the way to Promised Land. But even if he decided to stay here, winter was coming, and the heating in these buildings wasn’t so great.
The thought of Kitten alone in that concrete box put a hollow ache in my stomach.
After ordering for us both, I laid my hand across the table as an invitation for him to take it. He smiled shyly and twined his fingers with mine. How could I possibly give up the simple pleasure of holding his hand?
“You look very handsome,” I said. With his new haircut, his curls were now relegated to the top of his head, shaped in an artful way. At the moment his ringlets were neat and tidy, but I also liked the messy bed head look he had going in the mornings.
“Thank you. You look nice too. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you wear a shirt with a collar before.”
I popped it for effect and Kitten smiled.
“I realized today that I’ve never taken you out on a proper date,” I said. “I’m new at this boyfriend stuff, so you’ll have to let me know when I’m doing it wrong.”
“You’re not,” he said, eyes shining and with a note of melancholy to his voice that was likely due to our looming departure.
“You’ve seemed a little bit down ever since you saw your brother,” I said, hoping he’d open up to me before I laid it all on the line.
“I’m sort of mad at him,” he said softly, as though he was ashamed to admit it.
I was pissed at Santiago too. As the eldest, he should have handled their mother’s situation himself or taken Kitten with him, not left him all alone to bear the burden of her death. It was dangerous for Santiago to leave him like that, and selfish, but I kept all of that to myself. Besides, it wasn’t like I had the moral high ground after what I did to my own family.
“Because he left?” I asked. Kitten nodded, blinking rapidly, probably to stave off tears. “It’s okay to be mad at him. He shouldn’t have left you behind.”
“Everyone leaves,” Kitten said with a note of finality. He sighed and pulled his hand away. Macon was right. He was feeling lost and abandoned, thinking we–or I–didn’t want him, but he was wrong.
“Today Macon pointed out something that I did that was very foolish of me,” I said.
His gaze returned to me, open and curious. “What’s that?”
“I didn’t tell you how much it would upset me if you didn’t come with us. How I wouldn’t want to stargaze in the woods without you, and how empty my sleeping bag would be, how I’d rather lose my leg than lose you.”
“Which leg?” he asked with a teasing grin, the little shit.
“Either one. Both. I knew you’d be a heartbreaker, but I didn’t think you’d be breaking mine so soon.”
He bit his plush lower lip and said cautiously, “You want me to come with you?”
“Yes. I thought you knew that already because youareone of us. You are wanted by everyone, and me especially. I never want to lose you. And if you’re not ready to come right away, I can stay here with you and work at the bottling plant until your brother gets out.”
“You can’t abandon the others.”
“I might be able to convince them to stay, or we can meet up with them later.”
“I wouldn’t want you to have to choose, Cipher. They’re your family.”
“You’re my family too, and don’t tell anyone else this, but you might be my favorite.”
