It had probably taken him two days at most to get here, which meant he could have scouted around for medicine and come back home, but he hadn’t. He’d stayed, knowing the trouble I was in at home. We stared at each other for a moment, and I worked up the nerve to ask what I’d been wondering all along. “Why did you leave?”
“To get medicine.”
“But there is no medicine. And no cure. And no vaccine.”
“I guess I wanted to believe there might be,” he said.
I had wanted to believe it too, so I let him convince me.
“But then you got here, and realized there wasn’t, and still you stayed?” I asked.
Santiago stared down at his hands. His fingernails were clean, no dried blood from killing Rabids, or caked-in dirt from burying the bodies of raiders, no soot from tending a fire or calluses from chopping wood.
“It was really hard, Josh. Being there with her while she was sick, watching her slowly die and knowing there was nothing I could do about it. I had to get out of there. We should have left a long time ago.”
All of that may have been true, but it still didn’t explain why he’d abandoned me.
“It was hard for me too,” I said, “even harder after you left. Why didn’t you take me with you?”
“You didn’t want to go. You didn’t want to leave Mom behind.”
“You could have convinced me.”
“I wasn’t sure we could make it out there on our own, and I didn’t want something to happen to me and leave you all alone.”
“But you did leave me all alone,” I said with a knot in my chest. “I was waiting for you to come home.”
Santiago nodded, dropping his gaze. “I know. I’m sorry.”
There wasn’t much more he could say. It was hard for us both. Santiago chose to leave, and I chose to stay. I could hold a grudge, but family was in short supply, and I was lucky to still have my brother.
“Are you really okay in here?” I asked. He was paler than usual and his eyes looked a bit dull.
“The nurses here are really nice. We’ve got a television in our rooms and a game room and library to help pass the time. They let us interact with some of the other patients too, so it doesn’t get too lonely.”
“Are you sick?”
“So far, so good. The doctors say I have a strong immune system. I’ve been exposed to a few variants already, and nothing yet.”
“What happens if you catch the fever?”
“The chance of that happening is very low.”
According to them,I thought, and recognized Cipher’s voice in my head. In some ways, my brother was a hero for risking his life to help the researchers find a vaccine, but again I couldn’t help thinking, what about me?
“Why would you choose to do this instead of getting a normal job?” I asked.
“I felt guilty for leaving you. I thought if I made enough money, I could get us set up here and then come get you.”
“You wanted me here?”
“Of course I want you here. You’re all I’ve got left.”
Everyone went away. My dad, my mom, my friends and neighbors, even my own brother left. Cipher and the others would be heading off to Promised Land soon, and where would I be then?
“How much longer do you have to stay in here?” I asked.
“Six more weeks. If I don’t get sick by then, they can monitor me remotely. They want me to stay in the city, though. They’ll provide housing, food, everything. We’ll be set up.”
