“Yeah, looks good.” I turned my head from side to side. “Do you think I look older?”
“Eighteen and two months,” Artemis teased.
We ate bagel pizzas for dinner, the girls’ own creation, and I wasn’t even lying when I told them it was my favorite of their dishes. We made up a tray and distributed them to the others. Gizmo was holed up in his “workshop” tinkering under the light of a desk lamp, and Macon was antsy from being indoors all day, so we took a walk with him around the block, all of us holding hands. It had only been a few hours, but I missed Cipher already. We stopped at a park with a playground and Macon pushed Teresa on the swing. I tried swinging too, but it made me nauseous, so Artemis and I sat together on a park bench, and I talked to her about something that had been on my mind, even though Cipher probably would have preferred it if I didn’t.
“So, he touches me,” I said, trying not to give too much detail. “And he makes me feel good, really good, but when I try to do the same for him, he won’t let me.”
Artemis tilted her head, her thinking face. “My first advice, as always, is to talk to him about it.”
“I know, but I don’t want him to freak out, and according to that magazine article, a new relationship is like a delicate succulent still trying to grow roots.”
She shook her head at that. “Difficult conversations can be uncomfortable, but they’re important to have. What I do know is that Cipher carries a lot of guilt around with him, for things that happened in his past that probably weren’t even his fault. He’s angry at himself for being the only member of his family to survive.”
“He doesn’t talk to me about his family.”
“He doesn’t talk to anyone about it. Cipher likes to think of himself as a solitary unit. That’s his whole thing, you know, self-reliance. But underneath all that leather and attitude, we both know how soft he is.”
Tender and sweet, thoughtful and caring too.
“So, what should I do?” I asked.
“Be patient with him. You know how he works really hard to make you feel safe?” I nodded. “Well, you have to do the same for him, emotionally. Know what I mean?”
“I think so?”
“He needs a lot of assurance that you like him and want to be with him and care about his thoughts and feelings. When he feels safe, I think he’ll open up.”
“He’s the best, isn’t he?” I said, getting all dreamy-eyed just thinking about him, my boyfriend. And then, as if he had heard me pining for him, the man himself came sauntering across the playground, all broody swagger and scowly face with his new bad-boy buzz cut.
“Where have you all been?” he asked Artemis as I jumped up and hugged him fiercely. His arms wrapped around me tightly, then he pulled me back to inspect me all over. “What happened to your hair?”
“I got a makeover. Do you like it?” I smiled and showed off my fingernails too.
He nodded, looking pained, and said, “You’re gorgeous, Kitten, as always. Are the lice gone?”
“Clean as a whistle,” Artemis said.
“I made you bagel pizzas and left them in our room. Have you seen my copy ofTwilight?”
Cipher, looking guilty, pulled my copy from behind his back.
“You were reading it?” I exclaimed.
“I didn’t have anything better to do while I was waiting for the laundry to dry.”
“Which team are you on?” I asked.
“Team Charlie,” he said. “Edward’s an asshole. And Bella’s a dipshit.”
Artemis laughed, and I did too. I loved our little band of Assholes.
* * *
After a gourmet mealof bagel pizzas, I gave Cipher one of the spicy red candies and told him he wasn’t allowed to spit it out. He acted tough at first, but eventually caved, rushing to the sink to get a glass of water.
“Those girls are a bad influence on you,” he said, wiping his mouth.
I made up our bed with clean sheets, not bothering with the top bunk since no one slept up there, and Cipher inspected everything from top to bottom. I brushed my teeth and climbed into bed, waiting for him to go through his complicated nighttime routine. When at last we were cozied up together, I said to him, “I like you.”
