“I guess not. It wasn’t really about you.”
“Wasn’t it? These terrible accusations, slandering my good name? What would you do if another person had said those things to you about me?”
“I would have…” His sharp brow softens he nods in understanding. “I’m sorry, Sir. I should have defended you better, or at least tried.”
“What were you feeling then, when the voices were taunting you?”
“I was mad. At you. Because you… youpromised.” There’s a hitch in his voice. “So, I went to the bar and had a drink. The alcohol helps to dull the voices. Paolo invited me out that night to a club and I went with him and his friends. Yesterday too. I knew you were coming home, and I timed it so that you’d find me there with him. I did it to hurt you.” He stares down at his lap, avoiding my gaze.
“This is because I hurt you?” I tilt his chin so that he’ll have to look at me. He nods, lower lip protruding. “It was not my intention to hurt you, pretty baby.”
“I know, but I didn’t care. It was just the voices and me. Andyou left.You left me withthem.And when I saw you at the bar, looking so handsome with your hair blown about from the ferry ride over, shirt practically undone, all tanned and gorgeous, I wanted to run to you, but I wanted to hurt you more.”
I’m glad he feels safe enough to admit it. “You are very stubborn and proud. I blame the men who spoiled you before me.”
“You spoil me too, Sir.”
“I am part of the problem.”
“But what does it say about me, that hurting you was more important to me than… than loving you?”
“It says that you were feeling abandoned by your Sir. You wanted me to prove myself. To pursue you.”
“I’m a mean and spiteful person. That’s who I am at my core. I’m not really a good boy at all.”
He folds his arms like wings and buries his head in my lap. I offer him this quiet place to retreat. And while he manages his inner turmoil, I stroke his hair.
“Youarea good boy, Giovanni, one who sometimes acts out and misbehaves. Your Sir is at fault too. I left you, even knowing how hard it would be for you to endure.”
“Master would be so disappointed in me.”
“I don’t think so, because look at you now, kneeling here before me, confessing and repenting to your Sir. Valentin never expected you to be perfect. He only expected you to try your very best.”
He lifts his head to say, “I still think you should throw me overboard.”
I smile at this ongoing joke between the three of us. Whenever Gio would act like a brat, Valentin would say to me, “Are you going to do it, or am I?”
“Never, princess. You can be bad, spiteful, hurtful, terribly rude and nasty, and your Sir will not abandon you.”
“That includes dying, you know?”
“I’m going to live forever, thanks to my heart-healthy diet.”
“Did you follow it while you were away?”
His eyes search mine and I smooth the pad of my thumb against his soft lips. “I did my very best, I swear.”
“I missed being tied up. I missed the weight of your cock in my mouth and the taste of your semen coating my tongue. I missed your laughter and your smile. Your smell started to fade from our bedsheets. That’s when I really started to lose it.”
I can imagine him trying so hard to be strong and failing, then feeling even worse for it.
“I will tie you up soon. And I will stuff my cock down your throat faster than I probably should because I have terrible willpower.”
He smiles and lays his head back down, exhausted by the weight of his emotions. His fingers clutch at my thighs, dimpling the flesh. “It scared me how much I needed Master, and it scares me how much I need you.”
“This is why I suggested you make some friends, Gio, but I think you are right that you are very bad at picking them.”
“Like attracts like.”
