“Yeah, he’s not too jazzed about it, but who cares what he thinks? So long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters.” Isaac shrugs and takes a swig of his beer, which tells me there’s more he’s not saying, probably to spare my feelings. “Cassius seems nice enough. He good to you?”
“He’s the absolute best.”
“Filthy rich too.”
“I know. Can you believe it? I really lucked out this time.” I shake off the bad feelings about my dad and spot Cassius across the room, chatting with Kelsey, one of the Babes. He catches me looking and raises his champagne flute, giving me a killer smile that pretty much makes me sprout a chubby on the spot.
Elliot comes over then and I introduce him to my brother. “Elliot’s been staying in Cassius’s pool house while he paints,” I offer as an explanation in case Isaac sees Elliot lurking around.
“Oh yeah? What sort of paintings do you do?” Isaac asks.
“Portraits, mostly of your brother,” Elliot says, giving me one of his worshipful gazes that always makes me feel super awkward.
“Really? This guy here?” Isaac reaches out to give me a noogie, and I don’t even fight him because I even missed his stupid noogies. “Can I see them?” Isaac asks.
“They’re not ready yet,” Elliot snaps, looking a little worried. I vaguely recall the photo shoot Cassius conducted and wonder if Elliot’s paintings might be more on the naughty side. Hopefully nothing too scandalous. I do have the morality clause of myWreckedcontract to consider.
“All right, everyone, it’s showtime,” Cassius announces and herds everyone to his private theater. Our guests scatter among the rows where there’s tubs of popcorn already waiting, and Cassius starts the “movie,” which happens to be the first episode ofWrecked.
“How did you get this?” I ask when he’s taken the seat next to mine. None of the cast members have seen the edited versions yet.
“I have my ways,” he says mysteriously.
“I’m afraid to ask.”
“Then don’t. Just sit back and enjoy the show.” He grabs my hand and I sink back into the cushioned seat, amazed by my unscrupulous boyfriend, yet again. The opening scene of episode one is the booze cruise where Tris can be seen taking shots and carousing in the background. The next scene is the morning after when everyone ventures out of their cabins to find themselves stranded on a deserted island. My character is only half-dressed and clearly hungover, asking about his room service. Tris then spends the first few days on the island trying to find drugs and snarling at everyone while he detoxes. The makeup has me looking like shit, but every time I make an appearance on screen, everyone claps and cheers.
“Look at that smolder,” Cassius says during my first close-up when I’m arguing with Maddox’s character—RIP Carson Chance. Cassius slyly reaches over to my lap and palms my erection. “You might be even sexier on screen, babe,” he says.
I’d like to believe him, but all I can see are my flaws. Lines that come out sounding stilted and wooden, angles that aren’t very flattering, and then there’s the worst offender, my big-ass nose, which is magnified by a thousand on the movie screen. The camera zooms in on it constantly, and I glance around the room to see if others have noticed it too. Probably. It’s impossible to miss.
We watch the entire first three episodes, and everyone is very complimentary about my performance, though I wonder if they might say something different to each other when I’m not around. After the party winds down and it’s just a few of us drinking on the back patio, Cassius raises his glass for a toast.
“To my Beautiful Adam’s long and promising career on the silver screen.”
“Here, here,” Isaac says, grinning at me. Lucia is in his lap, and he’s got his hand on her thigh. The two of them have really hit it off. If they got married and Cassius and I got married, then Lucia would be my sister, and how cool would that be?
“May all of your technicolor dreams come true,” Elliot adds, tipsy on champagne. “Why, I can just see you acting a part in an all-boys boarding school, likeDead Poet’s Societyor Brendan Fraser’s role inSchool Ties.”
Isaac says, “Nah, bro, you need to do something more manly likeFight Club. You could use some of the moves I taught you.” He makes a fast one-two, causing Lucia to wobble on his lap, then catches her in his arms and squeezes. She giggles like a little girl. It’s a solid move. My brother has hella game.
“Or perhaps a young, chivalrous knight,” Cassius says. “Or a prince. Adam would look fantastic in a crown.”
They go on to speculate about what role I might land next, but they’re all just dancing around the real issue in their attempts to be nice until finally I can’t take it anymore. “My nose is too big,” I blurt out.
Everyone is deadass quiet for, like, five whole seconds.
“Your nose is too big?” Cassius says with a frown.
“Yes, it’s even worse on the screen. My big honking Polish nose.”
“Hey now, that nose has been in the family for years,” Isaac jokes, lifting his chin and proudly displaying his own version of it.
“It looks better on you,” I tell him, and besides that, he doesn’t need a good nose to be an electrician.
“Adam, your profile is perfect,” Elliot says, “and I should know.”
“I know a good plastic surgeon,” Lucia offers. “He did my nose and my tits too.” She pops out her chest, and they are a magnificent set of breasts, round and perky with two pointy nipples. “They look real dontcha think?” she asks Isaac, probably because he’s the only straight man among us.
