He smiles shyly and avoids my gaze as I escort him to the front door. Inside Adam continues to marvel at the furnishings, and I explain to him that when my mother passed away, Lucia moved in for a while to help ease my loneliness.
“We redecorated the interior so that everything—every light fixture, doorknob, piece of furniture, and appliance—is from the era it was built. All vintage and antique pieces. It was one of my design projects. It’s now on the historic registry, and I sometimes allow tours. We transformed the entire house, all but my mother’s room.”
I’ve left most of the things in her bedroom untouched. I don’t need the space myself, and whenever I get to missing her, I can go in there and reminisce.
“That must have cost a lot,” he says.
“It did, but I probably spent more money on cocaine and ketamine.”
“Oh. I didn’t… are you, um…” He stares at me, looking torn.
“I’m sober for the most part. I went to rehab, Lucia and I both. I try to abstain from those drugs, at least.”
“I haven’t really…” He stalls again, glancing around self-consciously.
I lay a hand on his forearm. Lucia was right that he is a pretty, little fawn and so easily startled. Adam requires the utmost patience and care. “That’s what I like about you, Adam. You haven’t experienced life yet. But I should warn you, there are many wicked temptations out here for a beautiful young man like yourself.”
“You sound like my father,” he says drolly. “Besides, I’d like to trysomethings.”
Somethings? Consider my curiosity piqued.
“Are you hungry?” I ask.
“No,” he says, but he’s lying.
“How about some fruit?”
“Fruit would be great.” He looks relieved at the suggestion. Good thing I didn’t offer him a cheeseburger and fries.
We go into the kitchen where I chop up some fruit and arrange it artfully on a tray for him to sample at will. Adam continues taking in his surroundings. “I can’t believe you live here all alone.” He glances furtively at me. “Do you?”
“For now. I invite friends to stay with me from time to time. I like a little distraction. You know if your arrangement with Elliot doesn’t work out…”
“Oh, well, I’m not sure that I could—”
“Think about it,” I say, not wishing to hear any more about his specious attachments to Elliot Anderson. “I have the space, and I’d enjoy having you here.”
“That’s very generous of you, but I should probably find a place of my own soon.”
Unless he lands an extremely well-paying contract, it will take him years to afford a decent place of his own, but he’ll figure that out soon enough. I lead him out to the pool and set him up on a lawn chair with a glass of sparkling water over ice. I take two pills from the baggie in my pocket and set them on a silver serving tray. He stares at my offering, seeming to have second thoughts.
“Have you ever done ecstasy before?” I ask. He shakes his head. “You’re going to love it.”
“What’s it like?”
“It will make you feel open, accepting, and unafraid. Maybe a little euphoric too. Your senses will be heightened. Even the slightest sensation of rubbing your hand against your skin will feel like the most pleasurable caress.”
“You do it a lot?”
“Only when there’s someone I want to feel a closer connection with.”
“You want that with me?” he asks, adorably hopeful.
“I invited you here, Adam,” I remind him and hold his gaze steady.
He bites into his plush lower lip and stares at me with his long-lashed princess eyes. “All right then, let’s do it.” He takes one pill and swallows it down with a swallow of seltzer like a good little boy, and I take the other. We chat about our families and our upbringing as twilight and then nighttime descends. When my limbs feel loose and relaxed, I suggest we go in the hot tub. Adam’s pupils are already blotto, and he rubs one arm compulsively.
“Should I…” He gestures toward the whirlpool, already churning like a fluorescent cauldron.
