Ezra planned on using a transportation app for a ride to Dev’s apartment and back, but it was generous of Roman to offer. “No thanks, I got it under control. Do you still want a hug?”
“Of course,” Roman said gruffly. “Come over here.”
Their goodbye hug went on for a very long time. Ezra didn’t want to let go of Roman, but eventually, he did.
* * *
Ezra didn’t winat Settlers of Catan, due to Dev’s roommate Yousef blocking his longest road. But the game was fun, and Dev’s roommates were nice to him. Afterward, they went to Dev’s bedroom to make out, but all Ezra could think about was Roman and what he might be doing right then. Was he watchingBlue Planetwithout him? Was he soaking in the hot tub and wishing Ezra was there to massage his back? Was he making fantasy football trades without his valuable input and good-luck kisses?
Ezra sat next to Dev on his bed, and even though his body was mildly interested in fooling around, his heart and mind were not.
“I’m sorry, Dev, but I think I’d better go.” Dev looked disappointed, so Ezra went on to say, “It’s my fault. I’ve become fixated on my roommate, much to my own misfortune, and he’s all I can think about.”
For instance, the veins in Roman’s arms when he lifted weights at the gym, the trail of black hair that ran along the center of his abdomen to places Ezra had not yet seen, Roman’s big hands that were always in motion except for when he’d fallen asleep on the couch, and how vulnerable he seemed then as compared to when he held Ezra tightly, making him feel safe and secure.
Ezra was obsessed.
“Friends?” Ezra asked and held out his hand.
“Sure. Friends.”
He arrived home earlier than expected to find Roman pacing the living room. He glanced up when Ezra entered and seemed relieved to see him. Had Roman been worried about him? Ezra told him there was nothing to fear.
“How was your date?” Roman asked. Ezra shrugged unhappily. “Did he... was he nice to you?” Ezra nodded. “Do you want to talk about it?” Ezra shook his head. The weight of this oppressive angst made him feel like he was wearing a thick, woolen coat in the middle of summer. “Ezra, have I done something to upset you?”
“No.”
“Because it seems like you’ve been avoiding me lately.”
“That’s true,” Ezra admitted.
“Why?”
Ezra sighed. He didn’t want to look foolish in front of Roman or jeopardize their friendship, but he needed to get some things off his chest. “We need to have a Serious Talk.”
Roman guided him to the table and brought Ezra a glass of water. He sat down across from him and waited, making intense eye contact the whole time, looking both sternandupset. Honesty was the best policy, Ezra had to remind himself. “I’ve been having a lot of biological responses lately.”
Roman’s brow softened. “Why do you think that is?”
Ezra stared at Roman’s large hands, folded on the table between them. They were attached to two very strong arms, which connected to a broad chest and hard pectorals, all of which Ezra wanted wrapped around him like the vines of a strangler fig. “It’s you,” Ezra confessed. “It’s all your fault.”
“You’re having biological responses tome?” Roman asked as if it were a revelation and not an obvious effect of being too damn handsome.
Ezra nodded. “I’ve tried counting and breathing and taking cold showers, but none of my calming techniques are working. I’ve been masturbating twice a day and it’s still not enough. I’m sexually frustrated and the whole time I was with Dev, I was wondering what you were doing here without me. If you might be…”
Be brave, Ezra.
“If I might be what?” Roman said softly.
“If you might be thinking about me too?” he said, both hopeful and terrified.
“I was, Ezra. The entire time. I’ve been thinking only of you since you left for your date. And even before then…”
“I was thinking sexual things about you,” Ezra clarified.
“Yes. Same.” Ezra stared at him, disbelieving, so Roman continued, “Ezra, I’ve been having biological responses since you moved in with me.”
What? How was that even possible? Ezra would have noticed. And then a terrible thought occurred to him. But Roman wouldn’t do that, would he?
