“Ezra, thank you so much,” Roman said and then hugged him with the perfect amount of pressure. It was different than a hug from a friend. It had a kind of electric hum that throbbed through him like a heartbeat. A rush of tingling heat flooded his privates, one that was welcome but also concerning because Roman was Ezra’s employer and roommate,nothis romantic partner. But even while his rational brain knew their roles, his body did not care one bit.
His body really needed to get with the program!
Later that evening, Roman asked Ezra to watch a movie with him and Ezra agreed but only if he could pick what they watched. He choseThe Martianbecause the science, at least, was mostly accurate.
And Matt Damon was handsome.
Unfortunately, Ezra hadanotherbiological response to Roman being so near to him on the couch, and this time rather than try to hide it, he thought it best to address the issue directly. When the movie had finished, and after explaining some of the reasons why Matt Damon’s character wouldn’tactuallysurvive his intergalactic ordeal, he turned to Roman and said they needed to have a Serious Talk. They then transitioned to the kitchen table, their designated location for such matters, and Ezra told him quite honestly, “Roman, I’m gay.”
Roman looked surprised, which puzzled Ezra because he’d caught him peeking at his tented pants during the movie, which should have been a clue. Ezra continued, “I’m telling you this because I also have a type, which happens to be athletic men, which you are, and sometimes when we’re in close proximity or when I see you shirtless in the pool or when you first come out of the shower and your hair is still wet and I can smell you from across the room, I may have a biological response.”
Roman’s eyes were darker than usual, and he was so serious that he hardly moved a muscle. Ezra wasn’t sure what that look meant.
“Ezra, I’m gay too.”
The news stunned him, further proof that you really shouldn’t make assumptions about people. “Then you understand that even with my calming techniques, this is not always something I can control.”
Roman nodded. “I understand completely.”
“Good.” Well, that had gone better than expected. Ezra yawned because it was way past his bedtime. Roman was so distracting that he even forgot his own schedule! “I’m going to bed now. Goodnight, Roman.”
“Goodnight, Ezra,” he said without getting up from the table, without hardly even moving, as if his backside was rooted to the seat. Roman’s eyes never left him, and even when Ezra reached his bedroom door on the opposite side of the living room, he still felt the weight of Roman’s stare. Ezra turned back to look over his shoulder and found his hypothesis confirmed.
What a confounding man,Ezra thought, but far from being irritated by the man in question, he was intrigued.
* * *
Ezra was involvedin a deep clean of Roman’s closet when he was interrupted yet again. He’d already organized Roman’s clothes according to article and color, but he wanted to properly iron Roman’s dress shirts because whomever had done it last (and here Ezra suspected it had been Roman himself) had done it all wrong. Roman had told him, as he often did, that it wasn’t necessary, but Ezra argued that he was the owner of restaurants, including some very nice ones, and his employees looked to him to set an example. And besides that, it would be painful for Ezra to see Roman walk out of the house wearing a nice suit with a wrinkled shirt.
“Ezra, have you ever been in a relationship?”
Ezra was trying to iron the sleeve of a blue dress shirt, mindful to get the cuffs just right, when Roman asked him this question. Didn’t the man understand that ironing shirts was like synchronized swimming, where you had to keep the iron moving so the fabric didn’t burn but slow enough to make sure the wrinkles didn’t return?
“Roman, I’m only to the light blues,” Ezra said plaintively and motioned with his free hand to the pile of shirts he’d yet to do. Part of him might also have been reluctant to talk about the subject, because the one romantic relationship he’d been in, had left him feeling both hurt and confused.
“You’re busy,” Roman said as if just realizing it. “We can talk about it later.”
Ezra felt bad for dismissing him, so when he finished with the shirt he’d been working on, and after hanging it smartly in the closet next to its companions, he shut off the iron and joined Roman in the living room.
“I will answer your question, but this is the most serious of talks,” Ezra said. He waited for Roman to join him at the table while gathering the courage to revisit that lonely and baffling time. “I had a boyfriend in high school. His name was Tyler Drummond. He was very attractive but not very nice.”
Roman frowned. “What happened?”
“He was a baseball player, and he didn’t want anyone to know about our relationship, or that he was gay, so even though I’m not very good at keeping secrets, I didn’t tell anyone about us.” Ezra recalled how Tyler seemed at times two different people, the boy he was with Ezra and the boy he was with his friends.
“That couldn’t have felt good.”
Ezra shook his head. “It gets worse. He used to pick me up in his F150 and take me to the baseball diamond after the lights were out and we would do things in his truck. Sex things. Then one night he asked me to perform fellatio on him, but when I pulled out his penis, I saw that he was circumcised. Now, I amnotcircumcised, and his was the only other penis I had ever seen up close, and I had some clarifying questions I needed to ask.”
“Of course you did,” Roman said.
“He didn’t like that, and he called me names and told me to get out of his truck. I could have called my mom to pick me up, but I needed time to process, so I walked home. I thought we could have a Serious Talk about it, but at school, he ignored me.” Ezra recalled how painful it had been, and how bewildering. Tyler had pretended he wasn’t even there, like he was invisible. Roman was giving him his really sad face, and Ezra couldn’t look at him and continue the story, so he stared at a tiny scratch in the wooden tabletop and said, “Then he and his friends started making fun of me.”
That was the worst betrayal because Ezra had kept his secret, even when they were being mean to him, because he’d made Tyler a promise. “They called me C3PO, which is the protocol droid from Star Wars.” Ezra frowned and tears pricked in his eyes, causing them to burn. “I guess because of the way I talk.” They’d made robot arms too, which was just ridiculous because Ezra didn’t move like that.
Roman made a growly noise and said, “I wish I’d been there. I’d have punched him right in the mouth.”
Roman could probably punch pretty hard. “Violence doesn’t solve things,” he said glumly.
