“Or I could make this easy for you,” I said and pressed the edge of the blade against my throat.
You issued a command in Latin, which I guessed was to make me drop the dagger. I fought it, and with my fingers gripping the handle, forced the blade against my skin. A trickle of blood slid down my throat.
“Orlando,” you thundered. Even the soldiers were rattled by your command as they took a hesitant step toward me.
I slowly drew the knife away, but it wasn’t because you compelled me to do it. It was my choice.
“Not as satisfying?” I said bitterly. I crossed the short distance to where you stood, tall and immovable as a mountain. Your chest rose and fell violently, and your face was red.
“We do it your way, and you abandon me forever. Or we do it my way because I deserve to have a say in this, too.” I pressed the handle of your dagger into the palm of your hand. “Which will it be, Henri?”
The look on your face broke my heart. So much anguish and frustration lined your sad eyes. I told myself to remain firm. This would be my final demand. You owed me this at the very least.
“Your way, cucciolo.”
The dagger clattered to the ground and you hugged me fiercely. It was a hollow victory.
47
Henri
You wrote five letters for me to deliver on your behalf. Composed on Lena’s cream-colored stationary and sealed with a few droplets of your blood, they were intended for your mother, Bruno, Xavier, me, and your future self. I asked you when the last one should be delivered.
“When you think I’m ready for the truth,” you said.
I ordered the soldiers to fetch your favorite foods—a variety of frozen conveniences and a sampling of your preferred dishes from fast food restaurants.
“The last supper,” you quipped at the spread, but it rang hollow for us both.
When night fell, I ordered the Imperium soldiers out of our immediate vicinity and we made love. It was tender and worshipful, and by the end of it, we were both sobbing.
In the dark, cradled in my arms, you asked me if it would hurt. I told you, not too badly. I asked if you wanted me to seduce you into unconsciousness. You said no, you wanted to be present. I said that I would miss you. At your insistence, I promised again I would find you. You made me cross my heart. As dawn approached, I told you again how much I loved you.
You were quiet and subdued when the time came. I kneeled behind you. You rested on my thighs with your back against my chest, the same position that we’d made love in, so many times before.
I expected you to fight—it was the body’s natural response—but your trust in me was absolute. Your heart raced and your body trembled, but you didn’t resist. A moment of panic assaulted me as my mind frantically searched for another way—I couldn’t possibly go through with this—but you reminded me why I was doing it, so that we could betogether, together, together.That was why you’d agreed to this, but I was doing it to protect you.
Because I had failed.
You whimpered softly when I pierced your carotid artery with my teeth. Your neck listed to the side and you gave a gentle sigh as though you were only drifting off to sleep. I fed without passion. My tears mixed with your blood and drenched us both. It was quick and painless, I made sure of it. I held you until your heart stopped beating and your beautiful body stilled in my arms.
Cold. You were socold.
Azrael came as promised to collect your soul. You went willingly, peacefully. I didn’t deserve it. You should have fought me, made me slaughter you like an animal. That was what a monster like me deserved.
“Do you wish to know him in his next life?” Azrael asked.
“Will you bless this union?” I’d not put you through this torment again.
“We will.”
I could have given you up and freed you from the bondage that had brought you such pain and misery, that ended in you being forced to make the ultimate sacrifice. But I was, among other things, selfish to my core.
“Yes, I do.”
Forgive me, Orlando. Please forgive me.
Henri
