What a pleasure it would be to corrupt you,Seth had said to me so many months ago. I didn’t know what was more upsetting—that my heart was hemorrhaging right there in front of him or that Seth seemed to be enjoying it.
“You want to go on tour with me and the rest of Petty Crime, Cory?” Seth asked in a sickly-sweet tone.
Cory’s eyes brightened, and he grinned. “Sure thing,” he said only it sounded likeshore thang.I hated his accent, hated his naivety, and I hated his willingness to do whatever Seth wanted. He reminded me so much of myself.
“Cory’s ready to go on the road with me, and we’ve only known each other for twenty minutes, but not you, Hiroku. Not you.”
Seth shook his head and wagged his finger at me while tears brimmed in my eyes. Some part of me believed I deserved this, because I couldn’t commit to Seth in the way he wanted. But why did he have to do this? Why did he have to be so goddamned mean?
“Well,” I said with a defeated sigh. “It looks like you found yourself a new number one groupie. Congratulations, Seth. Thank you for putting an exclamation point on thisremarkablyshitty relationship.”
Seth smiled, the corners of his mouth drawing up in an almost clownish expression. I wasn’t sure exactly what he’d snorted because he looked positively possessed. “It will never be over between us, Hiroku. Our souls are forever bound. When I call for you, you come to me. I made you—every single piece of you belongs to me—and however hard you try, you will never be rid of me.”
He was fucking with me—he had to be—but even knowing that didn’t decrease the potency of his threat. As irrational as it sounds, I even suspected some kind of sorcery had taken place. Seth dabbled in the occult.
As if sensing my vulnerability, Seth continued, “Who are you without me? You’re not interesting or special. You’re not even that attractive. I make you special. I make you desirable. The only reason those other men want you is because they know you’re mine. Without me, you’re nothing.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. I shouldn’t believe his words, but he’d voiced the fear I’d always carried with me like a virus lying dormant in my bloodstream—that I wasn’t enough. Seth had activated it, and it was multiplying out of my control.
“I’ll take that risk,” I said defiantly.
Seth shook his head, a rueful smile on his face. “You’re too weak to be alone.” He made a motion with his hand to dismiss me. “Go home and wait for me. You can make me feel bad about this later. This is my night, and I won’t have you ruin it for me the way you ruin everything else.”
Then he drew his newest plaything close to him and kissed him full on the lips while gripping his ass from behind. Seth thrust his hips a little and moaned for my benefit. I watched because the masochist in me couldn’t look away. “He tastes just like you,” Seth said and licked his lips.
Those were his last words to me.
I fled from the bathroom like a kicked puppy, stopping just outside the master bedroom door where I bent over with my hands on my knees and tried to pull myself together. I might have been hyperventilating. I just needed to get out of the party without anyone seeing me fall apart—the other emotions could be dealt with later—but as I was rising up to a standing position, James was making his way toward me.
“Where’s Seth?” James asked, and I could only guess at why he’d come. Seth’s remora, always swimming just a little behind to feed on Seth’s scraps.
And then everything that had been culminating over the past several months passed by me like tumbleweed. I’d tried leaving Seth, tried setting boundaries, I’d followed him down to his darkest depths, and when that didn’t work, I tried to bring us both back up to the surface. But none of it mattered because there I was still trapped in this emotional hell, existing only to be manipulated and abused, and I couldn’t even trust myself not to go running back to him for more. Seth would keep me on standby like a vampire’s old frozen dinner and bleed me until there was nothing left.
I had a terrible impulse then.
I wasn’t entirely powerless. I could still escape this pain, and I could make Seth pay for what he’d done to me on my way out. In that moment, nothing else mattered, save for my own personal revenge.
I pulled out my wallet, which was flush with cash from the profits of the video where I’d laid my soul bare for everyone’s viewing pleasure. It was a performance, only I wasn’t acting. I worshipped him. I made sacrifices for him. I may not have loved him unconditionally, but I loved him the best way I knew how. And for what?
“How much does Seth owe you?” I asked James the Nazi.
James eyed me in the way he usually did. “I only make the exchange with Seth.”
“He’s tied up at the moment, securing our entertainment for later tonight.”
James tilted his head like that was news to him. “It’s like that, huh?”
“How much?” I repeated. I wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible.
“How about this?” James suggested, relaxing a little in his stance like he was settling in for the long haul. “You blow me, and I’ll give it to you for half price.”
It never ceased to amaze me what stripe of folk would proposition me for a blowjob, but then Seth had always said my mouth was made for fucking.
“What the fuck, James? You’re, like, the biggest homophobe ever.”
“Head is head,” he said simply, “and from what I saw, you look to be pretty good at it.”
I refrained from physically gagging at his offer. “How about this? You give it to me half price, and I won’t tell Seth you tried to trade me sex for drugs.”
