The intensity of his gaze unsettled me. I’d learned to keep my expression neutral or else have to deal with my father using my emotions against me. Most people accepted my act of indifference and moved on. But Seth was like that dinosaur in Jurassic Park nudging the electric fence with its nose in order to find its weak spot, only in this case the fence was my psyche.
I didn’t want to tell Seth the truth. Besides, who was I to judge what constituted good musicianship? It wasn’t my medium and metal wasn’t my bag. And yet, something told me that if I lied, Seth would see right through me and maybe even think less of me. That would be devastating.
I tried for something neutral instead.
“I don’t really listen to enough metal to judge either way.”
Seth sighed and shook his head slowly. Deliberately. To convey to me his deep disappointment in my nonanswer, just as I’d suspected. Seth was a performance artist first, which made him very good at conveying his emotions, but I picked up on his subtleties too. There were at least a hundred variations to his tone of voice, and I understood every one of them, even when I pretended not to.
“Put your homework away, Hiroku.”
I knew I had displeased him and felt a bit chastened by his command, but I did as I was told. I’d failed at whatever job I was supposed to be doing while listening to his band rehearse, even though he’d never given me an assignment.
Seth moved my backpack so he could sit down on the ground in front of my knees in an almost supplicant position. He rested his forearms on my thighs and looked up at me imploringly.
“Why don’t you want to tell me what you really think?” he asked. His tone was beseeching, and his eyes were large and luminous. He looked almost hurt by my reticence. To think I had caused him pain distressed me to no end.
“I don’t want to hurt your feelings,” I said earnestly. Those were the hardest words to get out. I was so afraid he’d be mad at me.
He smiled. Then he laughed. Then he reached up and caressed my face. He hadn’t touched me since that first hookup there in his garage, which was weeks ago. The suspense of not knowing what he wanted from me—what I was to him—was killing me. That brief contact elicited a Pavlovian response from me, an aching that was both physical and existential.
“I only want your honest opinion,” Seth said. “You don’t have to hide anything from me, so tell me what you think.”
Seth wanted the truth from me—the absolute truth—and anything less would personally offend him.
It took me a moment to collect my courage. I wanted to break it to him as gently as possible. Artists were delicate creatures. I knew that about myself. I started with the most obvious problem. “It seems like Dylan isn’t always on the beat.”
Seth laughed again. It wasn’t a joke, but I was glad he found it funny. “Okay, what else?”
“Mitchell could be a little more creative with his bass line.” That was a vast understatement. The kid played, like, two notes, over and over.
Seth nodded enthusiastically. “Go on.”
I sighed. This was the hard part because it was a critique of his performance, and I knew he took himself pretty seriously. “I don’t know if this is the right musical genre for you. Your voice is really beautiful when you’re not screaming. And you’d be able to do more with the stage without the guitar.” Some singers were able to use their guitars as a kind of prop in their performance, but for Seth, it anchored him to one spot and prevented him from moving around freely.
“You’ve been paying attention,” Seth said like he was proud of me. He patted my knee. “This is all really good feedback. Just the kind of thing I needed to hear.”
I exhaled, hoping he meant what he said, and he wasn’t just trying to make me feel better.
“You’ve been so good to sit here so quietly and let us abuse your ears. Without a single complaint.”
“It wasn’t that bad.” That was a lie. Itwasthat bad.
“I want to reward you.” He smiled with a flirtatious curl to lips. My eyes went wide as his hands scaled up to the button on my pleated khaki pants, ironed by my mother earlier that week. Seth rested his hands on my crotch, which was quick to respond to the gentle pressure. I glanced up to the sidewalk, where anyone passing by could see us.
“Should we…um…close the door?”
Seth smiled but didn’t answer. He slowly unbuttoned my pants and slid down the zipper one tooth at a time. He pulled down the band on my underwear and my thickening cock flopped out unceremoniously. I was super self-conscious about it, never having been one of those kids to get naked in front of others or compare dicks like some of the guys I knew. Seth’s eyes widened at the sight of it, his pupils dilated, and his attention focused solely on me.
“Uncircumcised,” Seth said like it was an exotic food he’d never tried before.
“Yeah,” I said uneasily, worried he might think it was weird. “Not really a thing in Japan…so my parents never...um…” It was difficult to converse with my junk hanging out there like that and Seth eying it up like a cake pop. I didn’t want to blow my load before we even got started.
“I like it. You’re full of surprises, Hiroku Hayashi.” He licked his lips. I swallowed tightly, and my eyes darted around to see if anyone was watching us. “Relax,” Seth sang like a lullaby. “You’re going to like this, I promise.”
Seth gripped the waist of my pants and tugged until I lifted off the couch a little so that he could pull them all the way down to my ankles. Anyone walking by would have seen me like that, pale thighs and all, completely exposed, but I didn’t care as much as I thought I would. Seth was in charge. I ceded control to him.
With his fist, he pulled back my foreskin and licked all around my head like he was catching the melted cream on an ice cream cone before it dripped. The crown of my dick was so sensitive that I curled a little bit into it, tightening my abs and gripping the tops of my thighs. Seth seemed to like my response and tested out different techniques to see what kind of reaction they elicited from me. All of it shook me, never having experienced a sensation even close to what Seth’s mouth and tongue could accomplish.
