“He said he’d stop buying from me.”
“Fuck.” Seth had backed me into a corner again.
“I’m really sorry, Hiroku, but like Seth said, you should probably quit while you’re ahead.”
I stared at Kyle with a look of disbelief. “Is that the reason he gave you?”
“He said you were getting out of control, and he was worried you’d overdo it if you had easy access.”
I laughed out loud. I thought about telling Kyle the real reason—that Seth didn’t want him selling me drugs because then I wouldn’t need him anymore—but that reflected just as poorly on me, for putting up with such behavior in the first place, so I just nodded and said, “Seth’s such a considerate boyfriend, don’t you think?”
Kyle gave me a funny look. “I don’t know, Hiroku. I think you could do better.”
I chuckled again, darkly. If I had a Percocet for every time I’d heard that one. I clapped Kyle’s shoulder, releasing him from his obligation.
If I was going to escape Seth, I’d have to quit cold turkey.
I told my parents that afternoon I wasn’t feeling well and I was calling in sick to work. I didn’t, however, tell them I’d quit Sam’s Club altogether because I’d still need that as a cover if this plan of mine didn’t pan out. My backup plans had backups.
I texted Seth that I had the flu, which immediately set off his spidey sense and elicited a barrage of text messages, phone calls and voicemails. I was strong now, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to resist calling him if that was an option, so I got a hammer from the garage and broke my phone. I had enough money to buy a new one, especially since I’d resolved that I wouldn’t be spending any of it on drugs.
I spent the day preparing by going to CVS and getting over-the-counter medications I thought might ease the withdrawal. Then I holed up in my room and slept as much as I could because I knew it was only going to get worse after that.
The next morning I told my parents I was still sick. My mom checked my temperature to find that I had a low-grade fever. She wanted to take me to the doctor, but I assured her it was just something going around school. I sweated it out the whole day, pacing my room and trying not to think about the pain and discomfort that went bone-deep. I started walking to the park to get some fresh air, but I was too fearful and out-of-sorts. If I left my house, Seth might be able to find me. I only made it halfway there before turning back.
When my parents came home, my mom said she thought I’d gotten worse, and if I wasn’t better by the morning, she was taking me to the doctor. I hoped by then I’d be able to come up with some excuse that didn’t include a piss test to see what was “wrong” with me. I tried to sleep, but the nightmares set in like a fevered hallucination, and I couldn’t tell what was real or not because at one point during the night, I opened my eyes to discover I wasn’t alone.
Seth had wormed his way back in.
“You don’t have to do this, Hiroku.” Seth was lying in my bed next to me with his hand on my forehead, brushing the sweaty hair off my face.
“You gave me no choice,” I told him in a vicious, rabid growl. I couldn’t be held accountable for what I might do or say to him in this state. I wasn’t his obedient dog, but the feral version of myself.
“I swear to you, I will never do that again. I got angry and I acted completely out of control. I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions Friday night.”
Hitting me wasn’t what sent me over the edge. Pain was something I could deal with. Humiliation, not so much.
“You had me suck you off in front of James the Nazi,” I seethed, getting spittle on my chin because I wasn’t opening my mouth all the way to speak.
“I thought you’d just take a bite of the hamburger,” Seth said, eyes wide and innocent.
“I’m a fucking vegetarian, Seth.”
He nodded. “I know. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gone there with you. I was just upset by that song you wrote, Hiroku, but it’s only because you’re so right. About everything. Iamthe Queen of Hearts, and I’ve been a real bitch lately, and you don’t deserve that.”
He was turning on the charm, giving his voice a musical cadence, wooing me in a frequency all my own. I glared at him and said nothing, torn between wanting him to stay and comfort me and wanting him to die a horrible, painful death.
“I came here to tell you I have the melody for your song, and I want to share it with you, but not until you’re feeling better. And here, this is for you.” He stuffed a plastic baggie into the palm of my hand. I didn’t need to look at it. I already knew what it was.
“It’s your choice, Hiroku. But whatever you decide, I don’t want you to suffer anymore because of me.”
It was a trap—it had to be. I didn’t trust Seth to do anything in my best interest. It was just a ploy to get me back under his control.
“You told Kyle not to sell me drugs,” I accused him.
“You don’t know when to say when, baby,” Seth cooed. “I don’t want you getting high off anything without someone to watch over you and make sure you don’t overdose.”
“You’re lying,” I snapped. I didn’t believe a word he said.
