“You’ve got muscles,” Seth said.
I flexed my arm like a jock and kissed my bicep. Seth laughed. I’d forgotten what it sounded like.
“And you cut your hair.”
“Jeannie did it for me.” I ran my hand through my now short hair, shaved on both sides and a little longer on top. Mai had gone with me to the salon where she worked, and Jeannie had cut her hair as well. She insisted on not charging us, so we tipped her really well. Both of us turned down her offer of color.
“What’d your parents say about the piercing?” Seth asked.
I recalled my dad’s fury at seeing it. I’d acted confused by his anger and told him I’d gotten the piercing, like, months ago. Mai backed me up. When we worked together to gaslight my dad, we were pretty convincing.
“He was pissed,” I told Seth. “He tried to make me take it out.”
“But you didn’t,” Seth answered, and I knew he was referring to our commitment to each other. It bothered me how everything about me circled back to him, but I’d resolved that this was my image now. Authentically me.
“I came out to my parents,” I told Seth with a little less confidence.
“Oh yeah? How did that go?” He sat back and waited for me to elaborate.
“My dad said it was a phase and I’d grow out of it.”
Seth sneered at that. He had no patience for anyone’s homophobia however overt or subdued, regardless of age or relation. “That’s shitty.”
“Yeah.” I studied my thumbs pressed together on the tabletop in front of me. It seemed like my dad hadn’t really looked me in the eye since I’d told him I was gay. Or, if it was just him and I in the kitchen or living room, he’d leave right away so that we wouldn’t be alone together. He was avoiding me, which was a different kind of disapproval, but it made me regret coming out to him all the same.
“You have nothing to be ashamed of, Hiroku.” Seth reached for my hand and squeezed my fingers. I needed to hear it. “You think he’ll come around?”
Some part of me still thought I could earn my father’s respect, maybe through my academic achievements. “No. I don’t think he will. I’m just trying not to make waves,” I said seriously.
“By hiding who you are?” Seth still had the ability to slice right through me. I glanced around for our food, thinking maybe I should cut this visit short. Seth could Uber back to his place.
“I’m sorry,” Seth said, probably sensing my urge to flee. “I just wish your father could see what I see.”
I glanced up at him. Our connection was still there—as strong as ever—and I wanted desperately to belong to him again. To have Seth’s love, acceptance and guidance…
“We should make a sex tape and send it to your dad,” Seth said, shifting the conversation with levity. “Maybe that will convince him.”
My eyebrows shot up and I felt bad for the smirk on my face.
“You like that idea, don’t you, you little pervert?” Seth teased while nudging me under the table with his foot.
“That is one of the worst ideas you’ve ever had,” I said, but I was laughing, so my outrage wasn’t very convincing.
“Or I could show up on your doorstep.” Seth smiled and seemed to delight in that role. “Tattoos and all.”
“Yeah, so what’s up with the new tattoo?”
Seth flashed me a cocky grin, “If you’re good, I’ll show it to you later.”
I tried to play it off like that prospect didn’t thrill me, like my cock wasn’t already nudging impatiently at my fly. It would take so little for him to get me off. He wouldn’t even have to touch me…
Meanwhile, Seth stared at my face as if trying to memorize my features. “Point is, you look good, Hiroku. Really good. How’s jiu-jitsu?”
That was my excuse the other night for not being able to hang out with him. I found it telling he’d decided to ask about that of all the things he could bring up.
“It’s fine.”
“I bet there are a lot of hot guys in there. All that sweating and grappling…”
