I sigh, trying to expel all the bad feelings I absorbed inside my father’s home before climbing into Chris’s car. “I’m glad I did it. Like you said, I made my best case.”
“If your dad doesn’t want to make time for you….”
Chris doesn’t finish his sentence. We both know it’s about more than making time, but in a way maybe it is just that. My dad has never made me a priority in his life, and he likely never will. That’s the cold, sobering truth. At least I can accept it, knowing I tried.
“He might still come around,” Chris says, ever the hopeful one.
“Maybe,” I agree, though I truly doubt it.
“Any time you want to talk about it, I’m here for you.”
“Your dad would have never done that,” I say, not really as a comparison, but as an observation.
Chris’s jaw sets in a hard line, and he shakes his head. “No.”
It’s hard not to take it so personal—the gravity of the realization that my dad really doesn’t want me. It’s going to take some time get over, if that’s even possible. At least Chris was there. I can talk with him about it, and he’ll understand completely. I’m less alone, because I can share the burden with him.
“I’m really glad you were there,” I say to him.
“Me too.” He shakes his head. “Man, I wanted to beat his ass so bad.”
I smile at that. “I appreciate your restraint.”
“What an asshole,” he says, gripping the steering wheel a little tighter.
I wish I could get angry like Chris, instead of feeling all sad and dejected, but I’m just not wired that way. Chris projects his emotions outward, whereas I suck them up and stew on them.
“If you were my son, I’d be totally stoked,” Chris says. “You’re, like, the coolest person, you know?”
My spirit lifts a little. “Thanks, Chris. You always know just what to say.”
We drift into silence, and I get to thinking then about Chris and me, and how, if he’s my boyfriend, we can’t really be best buds anymore, and that’s something I’m going to miss.
“Still thinking about your dad?” Chris asks, perhaps picking up on my silence.
“No, actually, I’m stressing about something else now.”
“You going to make me guess?”
“It’s nothing.”
He pulls into his driveway a few minutes later, and I help him unload our stuff. I pile my bags on the side of his car, then help him haul the boards back to his shed. While we’re in there, he grabs my hand and draws me to him.
“Talk to me, T.” He pulls me in close so our noses are touching, warming me up for a kiss. “Whatever it is, you don’t have to hide stuff from me.”
I hesitate because I don’t want to jinx us or have Chris think I’m not into this 110 percent. “I was just thinking about how, now that we’re together, we can’t really be best friends anymore. And that sucks.”
Chris frowns. “Yes, we can.”
“I mean, sort of, but what if we break up?”
“We just got together,” Chris harrumphs.
“I’m not saying I’d ever want to break up, but if it happens, then what?”
Chris’s eyebrows furrow, and he stares past my shoulder for a moment. “I don’t want to think about it. That would really suck.”
“Yeah, I know. It would bethe worst.”
