“I don’t know. My mom used to say that a wish that was shared was special. But maybe that was her way of getting me to tell her what they were so she would know what to get me forChristmas.” Grant snickered. “But that was a long time ago, and I don’t have a lot of wishes anymore.”
“I have lots of wishes,” Cameron said. “Lots and lots of them.”
Marty put an arm around Cameron. “Then you hold on to each of those wishes, because they are very important. Everyone deserves to keep their wishes and have them come true.” God, he wanted as many of Cameron’s wishes and dreams to come true as possible. Hell, he wanted Grant’s wishes to come true too. It would be easier if he knew what they were, but maybe he could guess about some of Cameron’s. And as for Grant’s… well, that would take some time. But he could be patient. Besides, finding out wishes and dreams could be a lot of fun.
CAMERON WASin bed, and Marty and Grant sat on the sofa with Dexter near their feet, stretched out like he’d had a rough day. “I keep thinking about these boys, and I don’t know how to stop,” Marty admitted.
Grant hummed his agreement as he leaned against him.
“How did you deal with it when it happened to you?” Marty asked quietly.
“It took a long time. I always thought that I had done something wrong. That there was something about me that made him want to take me. That maybe I hadn’t been a good enough kid, so I was taken as some kind of punishment. Of course that’s a whole bunch of crap, but kids tend to take things onto themselves. As adults we let things run off our backs, but kids don’t. They take it all in.”
“How do I keep Cameron from doing that?” Marty asked.
“Whenever he asks, you tell him the truth, and make sure he knows that it was the bad man who’s at fault. That Cameronwasn’t to blame. Make him tell you that. He needs to say it, and he needs to believe it.”
That made sense. “Should I get him a therapist?” Marty asked. “I will get whatever resources he needs.”
Grant hugged him. “And that’s why you’re going to be up for foster parent of the year.”
“I don’t think I want that. Cameron needs permanence, and I need to ask Donald what I have to do to make sure Cameron stays here with me. I can adopt him, but that takes a long time and plenty of money.”
“Actually, it doesn’t. There’s no one who will step in for Cameron. His family is gone, except for distant relatives who don’t seem to have an interest. The state is his guardian now, and it will remain that way unless someone steps in. If you want to stay his foster parent, you could do that until he turned eighteen, and then he would age out of the system.”
“No. I don’t want him aging out of anything. I want him to always have a home and to know that someone cares for him.” Marty looked at Grant. “And maybe if both of us are lucky, we’ll find someone who will care for both of us and turn our family of two into three.” He didn’t mean to put any pressure on Grant. It was too soon for declarations of love and devotion. Their lives had been turned upside down in the past few weeks, and things needed to settle before anything like that could happen. Not that it mattered. Marty was well aware that the heart wanted what it wanted, and Grant was really starting to find a place in his. Which was both warming and frightening at the same time.
“Then the easiest way for that to happen would be to adopt him eventually. Once that happens, he legally becomes your son, the same as if he had been born to you. But you know that is a huge decision, and one you don’t need to make right now.”
Marty turned to Grant. “You don’t think I’d want him?” he snapped. “That maybe I’m not good enough or that I shouldn’t want to give him a home?”
“No, not at all.” Grant remained calm even as Marty’s inside seemed to roil with confusion. “I think that decisions like this will happen in their own time. That things like family and love grow out of the heart. No one is going to swoop in and take Cameron away from you. The system has too many kids and not enough homes. You’re going through the steps to be a foster parent, so that’s all they want.”
Marty nodded. “I don’t know why I got so… upset.” That wasn’t the right word, but he didn’t have one for his reaction.
“The word you’re looking for isparental. You would fight for Cameron, and that’s very good, because you’ll need to do that for the rest of his life. It’s what a parent does.” He took Marty’s hand. “But it isn’t something you have to make a decision about overnight. I’m saying that you’ve had Cameron less than two weeks, so give yourself a break and just let the relationship and the trust between the two of you grow. The rest will happen.”
Marty figured that Grant was right. Trying to force things wasn’t going to help anyone, and while he wanted Cameron to always have a home, he also knew that he’d been through a hell of a lot in the past. Losing his parents, living in a bad foster home, being taken… all of that had to have affected him, and Marty’s job was to try to provide a place where he could be safe. That had to be enough for now. “I suppose you’re right.”
“I am. Love and care, they grow over time. So give yourself and him a chance for that to develop. It will, and then you’ll know exactly what to do. I know you have questions about yourself and whether Cameron will be happy. Anyone would. But you need to allow yourself the chance to just be. To give yourself the opportunity to let things grow. I have to do the same thing.”
“What do you mean?”
“I have a tendency to rush into things full steam ahead. I’m not patient, and I want things right now. It works well in the job because timing is often critical in solving a crime. But in other areas of my life, that tends to make things difficult. Like… every day this week, as soon as I get off work, I want to hurry over here and share my day with you. But I know it’s too soon for me to come through the door every night. I need to have a life of my own, and so do you.” Grant’s admission definitely made Marty smile, and he squeezed his hand. “And your life now includes Cameron.”
Marty turned toward Grant. “What is it you’re saying?”
“I’m not sure. Maybe that we don’t need to feel this weight of pressure on our shoulders. That things can unfold the way they will without us having to worry about it.”
“Do you want to go your own way? Marty asked, shifting to better gauge what Grant was saying. “I’ll understand if you do. It’s more than just me, and—”
“That’s not what I’m saying at all. I guess I’m back to, if you want different results, then try a different path. I like being with you and Cameron, I really do. I like spending time with the two of you. Maybe I like it too much. I’m sort of a little off-kilter here.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, scrolling through before putting it back in his pocket. “I was getting a bunch of emails, but none of them are important right now.”
“Nothing about the case?” Marty asked.
“No. The lab takes a while, and unfortunately since there aren’t any kids missing right now, as far as I can tell, then they have other priorities. There’s always more work than time and money will allow. So I’ll probably have to wait as long as a week to get something back. I wish it was quicker, but that’s the way it is in most counties in the state. Ours is better than most. If thesekids had disappeared in Philadelphia or Pittsburgh, it could be even longer unless someone really high up were to intervene.”
“So what do you do? The guy is still out there,” Marty said. “I keep wondering, what if he comes after Cameron again?” That thought was enough to keep him up at night. “I’m afraid to let him go to school, and when he gets out, I make sure I’m there to meet him as soon as he comes out of the building.” And he was. Every single day he was there. Granted, there was only a week or so of classes left, but it still had him on the edge all the time.
