I look back up at the ceiling. “Deanna was my fault.”
“Deanna was Deanna's fault,” he counters. “All I'm saying is none of them feel right. It's getting harder, Parker. When I'm in rut. What am I supposed to do?”
I didn't think about that. It didn't even occur to me that he would have an aversion to any female who isn't his intended. Or to me. “Is it getting harder to … with me?”
The long pause before he answers says more than any words could.
“Being in rut is hard. It's changing as I get older. I still want you as much as I always have, please don't doubt that. I want you, Parker. But when I'm in rut, it's almost like I'm empty and nothing I try to hold onto can fill me up. I hate myself more and more every time I come out of it.”
My reply comes just as slowly. “Why didn't you tell me?”
He squeezes my hand tighter in his. “It wouldn't have made a difference.”
“We can keep looking. The Summit is in a week. Maybe someone will be there.”
Silence again.
“What if she's there?” he asks, barely loud enough for me to hear.
Now my silence speaks louder than anything I could say. It can't be her. I can share him with anyone else. She would take too much. She would leave too little of him for me when she's finished with him. I can share him with someone who wouldn't take as much as she would. “What if she is?”
He swallows loudly. “I don't think I could do that to you. I could make it work with someone else. Probably. But not her. It would be asking too much. Of all three of us.”
We don't magically find a girl who's a good match for us in the week before the Summit. Neither of us thought we would, but I choose to remain optimistic about finding someone at the Summit. The Bridger pack is hosting this year. Two weeks isn't a lot of time, but it's plenty of time to meet someone.
Chapter Seven
Cross
Alpha Bridger has informed me that he will snuff out the Cross line if I disgrace any female in his pack. My father and I have been assuring him for the past hour that I have no intention of disgracing anyone, much less one of the women from his pack. I doubt I would be any more comfortable with me being here than he is if I was in his position. That doesn't mean I'm happy about it.
“Other packs will be here, Drew. Not in their full numbers, but there are plenty of women here who might give you the time ofday. I want to support you, but outside of a divine intervention, the women of my pack are off limits to you.”
I clench my jaw, but my father nods. He's still acting Alpha. Until I take my place, I don't get to have an opinion about anything anyone says. If Alpha Bridger declares his pack off limits, then that's how it is. This is going to put even more pressure on an already intense situation.
“I understand,” my father says. “He won't disrespect your wishes.”
“I didn't think he would. Regardless of what happened, I know Drew is going to make a good alpha. I know he's in a tough situation, and I know what I would be trying to do if I was him; so I'm doing him a favor. I'm putting you and your Second in your own quarters, Drew. They will be in a different cabin than your family.”
“His Second?” my father tentatively asks.
Alpha Bridger nods. “Yes. There's no talking around the situation. If Parker doesn't agree to the female, there's no chance of a successful pairing. I think giving them room and privacy to figure things out would be the most beneficial thing I could do for them.”
“Thank you,” I say. “That's more than fair, and I appreciate it very much.”
We say our goodbyes, but Alpha Bridger's Second catches my elbow as I'm walking out the door. “You should know that Eugenia Barrett is here with her family. Even though you disgraced her, she is still the heir to her father's pack and she will remain so until she's either mated to another alpha, or the Barrett pack is overrun.”
“Thank you for letting me know.” I can't think of anything else to say. I'm going to need a minute to process the possibility of actually being near her.
Then he makes it worse. “She is here looking for the same thing you are, Drew. She has been offered the males of our pack on a golden platter. If you interfere, I will take personal offense to it.”
“I understand.”
I pull away from him and catch up with my father outside. There are too many emotions rushing through me. I can't grab hold of one long enough to completely feel it. One thing is certain. Anger is threaded through all of them, even the dread of seeing Eugenia.
I still don't know what she looks like, and the very real possibility of my first meeting with her being when she's actively searching for another mate makes my wolf pace inside me, his seething frustration nearing a boiling point.
You would let her choose another?
