He gapes at me. “He doesn't need me to hold his hand.”
“I might,” Drew says. “If she wants you to stay, stay.”
Parker's mouth drops open as his eyes move from Drew's to mine. “This is more serious than just a fuck, Cross.”
“Maybe I want you to hold my hand,” I tell him, trying to sound much more confident and brave than I feel. I've always been more inclined to just get things done than drawing them out with sentimental theatrics, but this is a huge step and it will affect all three of us.
“I'm not holding your hand while he fucks you.”
“You said it was more serious than just a fuck,” I counter. “And you were perfectly willing to hold my leg for him last night. What's the difference?”
Drew barks out a laugh and Parker glares at him. “That was different.”
My head tilts. “Was it?”
“Yes.”
“Well,” I say, getting up off of the couch. “I'm taking a shower while you figure it out.” Then I pull Drew's shirt over my head and drop it onto his lap on my way to the bathroom.
It's all bravado. I'm a nervous wreck. I want the mark now, before anything else happens. I know there will be a whole lot ofdiscussion about where we'll go when we leave here, but none of it will matter because we're going to my pack's territory. Drew did the rejecting, he can be uncomfortably surrounded by people who have an opinion about it. I am going into heat within two weeks, probably less based on how I've been feeling, and I need to be somewhere familiar, somewhere I feel comfortable. But the discussion will be stressful and the travel will be tedious and getting him welcomed and accepted on pack land will be exhausting and nobody can say no to any of it if I'm wearing his mark. Besides, I just want it. I want it so much. I want the immediate stability that comes with a mating bond. I need balance more than anything else. I've heard stories. I know that I will feel him like a constant presence inside me. When he marks me, it will create a link between our wolves that goes beyond the normal pack bond. We want that bond. We need it.
But I'm still so nervous. Drew really doesn't know me. He touched me last night, and did a damn good job of it, but he doesn't really know anything about me other than my berry preferences. I know he wants me, but it's instinct. Primal. Not personal.
My hair is still dripping when I walk out of the bathroom wearing a towel. The living room is empty and the door to the bedroom is shut all but an inch or two. I can hear them whispering back and forth. Whatever they're talking about is either interesting enough or important enough that they haven't yet realized that the shower has stopped. I focus my hearing, straining to catch their words while I drip tiny puddles onto the floor.
“I can't be here for this,” Parker hisses. “It's between you and your mate.”
“I want you here,” Drew whispers back. “She told you to stay.”
“Shedoesn't mean it,” Parker argues. “No female wolf would ever share this moment with her alpha's ex.”
“You are not –“
“Shh!”
“You are not my ex,” Drew continues.
“She doesn't want me here, Cross. She's just saying it for you. She tolerates me because of you. She doesn't like me and she doesn't want me here. Let it go. I'll wait in the hall.”
“You can stay your ass right here. She likes you just fine.”
Parker scoffs. “She's obligated to like me.”
“Is that what your problem is?” Drew asks. “You want her to like you?”
“No,” Parker says. “That's not... I shouldn't be here when you mark your fucking mate, Cross. It is an intrusion.”
“Not if she invites you.”
“Fuck!” Parker hisses, agony heavy in the word. “It hurts. It hurts to be separate. It hurts to be included. It hurts to see her get what I want. I want her to have it. Really. I do. It just hurts to be separate. I don't know how else to say it.”
And that's about all I need or want to hear. I know exactly how he feels. I am an obligation. A means to an end. It hurts when I am included in their closeness and it hurts to be separate from it. But I will have Cross's mark tonight. I need it and I'll have it. Parker can help me get it. If I can be satisfied with that, so can he.
Chapter Thirty-six
Cross
Before I can say anything else to Parker or argue with what he just said, because he's fucking wrong, Genie walks in with a towel barely wrapped around her and wet hair dripping everywhere.
