I take off my sweatshirt and shorts and give her complete control. I burrow into the back of her mind as she burrows into the sheets that smell like him now. I hate how good it feels to be surrounded by his scent. Shame eats at me, but I can't help it.
It's alright. Rest. I'll carry us through this. Tomorrow will be a new day.
I don't have the heart to tell her there's nothing to look forward to.
Chapter Twenty-seven
Cross
My wolf snarls louder with every step I take away from Genie but I don't care. I'm angry. I did what she wanted. I was in the room. I was on the bed. I was ready and willing to give her what she asked for. He can keep snarling.
I know what he wants, what he's always wanted. But shouldn't what I want matter? Are we nothing more than instincts and traditions? I never wanted a real mate once I understood that Parker would never be that for me. I rejected Eugenia becauseI wanted happiness with Parker more than anything else and I still want that. I can withstand the pain of separation from her. I can handle it. It's just getting a little harder to breathe with her being so close. My wolf is becoming more and more difficult to deny; to the point that I'm even more afraid to shift than I was before I got here. If I give him control, he won't give it back until he takes what he needs. He's resentful and desolate and angry.
And…I think he's starting to hate me.
The thing that I have been terrified of since I was seventeen years old is now a strong possibility. I'd go so far as to say it's a definite likelihood. My wolf could abandon me. I can feel him pull further away every day that I force his separation from his mate.
Our mate,he reminds me.
Every moment I spend maintaining the distance between Eugenia and me, or standing by and watching her suffer without doing anything about it makes a break from my wolf more likely. Every touch or kiss between Parker and me pushes my wolf one step further. How many more steps do I have left? And then what? What will happen to me and my family line once my wolf leaves me?
Selfish,he growls.She is in pain, and you are causing it.
I'm not leaving Parker.I just got him back. I love him.
You don't have to leave him. You can have both. You know that.
I shake my head, physically denying what he says.I won't hurt him.
And you have no trouble hurting my mate.
I don't want to hurt her. But I love Parker. Can't you understand that? Can't you feel how I feel?
His silent retreat speaks louder than any words or impression he could give me. I can feel the pain staying away from Eugena causes him every minute of every day and I expect him to give ashit about how my heart will break if I lose Parker. I am selfish. I'm selfish and my pride is going to be the ruin of all of us.
Parker is sitting on his bed with a book when I step into his room. He looks up at me with a dull expression and snaps his book shut. "I thought you were going to stay with Genie?"
I fall onto the bed next to him and drop my head against the headboard. "She told me to leave."
"What?" he snorts. "She got what she wanted and then sent you packing?" He sniffs the air, his eyes narrowing in confusion.
"Something like that."
"What happened, Cross?"
I sigh, reaching up to scrub the heels of my hands against my eyes. "I was waiting for her, exactly like Alpha Tinsley said. She came in, took one look at me, and told me to get out. So, I left."
Silence stretches between us until Parker stops the sprawl of it. "Do you know what she did with the money?" I shake my head, and he continues. "She gave it to Walker's family."
I crack open my eyes. "She hates Walker." Everyone hates Walker.
"He told me she won it for his sisters. Amie told him when she gave it to him."
Won it for his sisters. Seven hundred and thirty dollars in the Middle Ground pool and she gives it to him. "He could have won his own money if he wanted to."
Parker scoffs. "No, he couldn't have. He's ambitious but not strong enough to change anything. Genie actually is strong, and she proved it. You saw her. She wasn't winning the money. She was winning you. So, what really happened?"
"It was just like I said. She walked into the suite, looked at me, and told me to leave."
