“What do you think I should do? Do you really think I should go?”
“You can always leave.” He shrugs. “You should go.”
“What about you?”
He offers me a half smile. “I'll be here. Go, Cross. See what happens.”
Chapter Twenty-six
Genie
There was only one match after mine and Bella Reeves's. Per Alpha Tinsley's suggestion, I've gone back to my room to take a shower and change. He gave me the door code to the suite as soon as Bella left the gym and told me that I was welcome to use the suite for the night whether Drew agreed to come or not. If he doesn't come, at least I'll be able to really stretch out tonight.
Bella is a bitch. She always has been. She's spoiled and condescending and treats every single gathering like it's herpersonal mating pool. I'm two years younger than she is and she made sure I knew it when we were younger. She's here, though, so she's got problems. I'm sure the fact that she's older and still unclaimed has nothing to do with it.
I'm not surprised that she challenged me. She's been chasing Drew hard since we got here. Mine and Drew's history isn't a secret, it never has been. Bella has never kept her interest a secret, either. I used to get upset when she would flirt with Drew or do things to get his attention, but as soon as I realized that he didn't want her any more than he wanted me I stopped caring. Bella didn't. She doubled her efforts until Drew started actively ignoring her. Then we all showed up here and she picked up where she left off. She wants me to be jealous or threatened, but I'm not and I'm not going to be. I don't have the energy.
The water is almost too hot, the pressure almost painful, but it helps. The steam clouding around me smells like the soap I brought from home and that helps too. Just one night. I just need one night. I can let go of my pride for one night and then I'll go back home and make the choices I need to make. This one night will help me let go so I can rebuild. I just need one night to rest before I get on with the rest of my life.
I'm tired. So unbelievably tired. I'm so exhausted that I thought winning this thing would result in something good.
And I hurt. So much. The constant ache from being in close proximity to Drew is morphing into something much, much worse. Every breath I take stabs and slices into my lungs. Every blink of my eyes is torture. And my foot hurts. I pulled out the tack, but it still stings with every step. I'm going to hold a grudge for that for a long while.
I turn off the water, immediately mourning the loss of heat and grab a towel to dry off and another to wrap my dripping hair. Sleep. I'm going to sleep. I don't need to put in more effort than pulling on a pair of shorts and throwing on my favoritesweatshirt. All I need tonight is comfort. If Drew shows up, he won't care what I'm wearing, and if he doesn't show up, I'll be dressed for my own comfort and it won't matter.
Alpha Tinsley didn't give me any indication that Drew accepted my request, but he also didn't say he refused. Regret is starting to set in. And embarrassment. I was desperate for rest and asked for something that could give Drew the opportunity to humiliate me...again. If he comes tonight, it won't be because he wants to. It won't be because he cares. I can lie to myself all I want, but the reality is that that hurts. I'm tired of being strong and walking around pretending like everything that has happened with Drew and I doesn't hurt. Hurt is heavy. It has become a cold, bone-deep weariness and I am tired of carrying it.
It shouldn't be like this. Our Goddess gave Drew to me. She gave me to him. We shouldn't be separate. I've asked myself a hundred times, a thousand times, what if she made a mistake? Why bless us and then pair him with Parker? I don't want to separate them, I never did. But I was never given the opportunity to say that or prove that I meant it. He could have made room for me. They both could have.
It doesn't matter. I never should have kept that shirt, and I never should have asked for this night. It's too late to take back either of those things now so I have to wait. If he doesn't come, at least I won't carry the knowledge that he had to be wheedled into providing me, his intended mate, with just a hint of what I need so badly.
I thought winning Middle Ground would give me some relief, but the sight of Drew stretched stiffly across the bed when I walk into the suite, his expression utterly blank, makes everything feel so much worse. I can't do it. It hurts too much.
"Get out."
He raises a brow. "Excuse me?"
"Get out," I repeat.
"You won, Genie. You wanted me in this bed for a night as your prize. Here I am."
I close my eyes and try to take a breath without them rolling in pleasure at how strong his scent is in the room. He has no right to affect me this way. This was a bad idea. It's just going to make things worse. "Get out, Drew. Just go."
"Why?"
Sighing deeply, I rip my hands through my hair and lean against the farthest wall. "I'm tired, Drew. I just wanted to sleep. The only time I've been able to actually sleep is when I can smell you. I'm just tired. But I don't want you here, not like this. Please leave."
To his credit, he hesitates for all of half a minute before he rolls off of the bed and walks out the door without giving me another glance.
To my credit, I stare at the wrinkled sheets where he was laying for about five seconds before I crumble, abandoning my pride and self-preservation to tears that fall onto the floor.
I feel the internal stirring of my wolf.Let me out.
I can't.I can't give her control. This is too deep, it hurts too much. She won't let go again. I'll be trapped inside.
Why not? You won the game. It's over. You can't take anymore. Let me out.
I'm not strong enough right now to deny her. She's right. I can't take anymore. Maybe trapped is better. It has to be better than this.
