“So hot?” he asks. “I didn't think it would help the situation. But yeah, she's a fucking smoke show.”
I groan. It wouldn't change anything, but damn.
“She's always been pretty, Cross. Even back then. If you had seen her, I don't think you would have rejected her. She's exactly all of your favorite things. I hated her more because of it. She's grown into herself now, though. Sometimes I think...” He sighs. “Sometimes I think we could have had it good with her. I mean, notwe, not like that. I just mean I knew you would want her and you could have had her. It could have been good.” He pauses again and glances at me from the corner of his eye. “I've thought about it. You and her.”
“Me and her?”
“How it would be. Regardless of how I feel about her, she's gorgeous. You and her together...”
I turn to face him. “Are you really laying there telling me that you've thought about me and Eugenia fucking?”
He huffs. “It would be hot.”
“Really?”
“Obviously.”
I bite back a grin. “Did you ever...”
His eyes narrow. “Did I ever what?”
I have always loved teasing him. He hates it in the best way. I especially enjoy teasing him when it has the potential to make him blush. “Did you everacton those thoughts?”
“We are too old to be talking about what I think about when I jerk off.”
He didn't blush. He just said it like the fact it is. That makes it so much better. “That'shot.”
He huffs again and closes his eyes. “Does that bother you?”
“No.” My answer is instant. It doesn't bother me. It's the opposite. I like the thought of him thinking about me and my mate together. I like it a lot, more than I have any right to.
Except she isn't my mate, I remind myself, and my smile drops away.
“Do you ever think about her?” Parker asks.
“I can't,” I answer honestly.
He opens his eyes and turns his head towards me. “What does that mean?”
“I can't let myself think about her. It hurts. I don't want to talk about it.”
He licks his lips. “You need to.”
“Who am I supposed to talk to?” I ask. “My father? An Elder? You? My father would remind me that I'm the one who created this situation. An elder would remind me that she's my Goddess-blessed mate and I threw my future away. And you? How could I talk to you about her? I won't hurt you like that.”
My heart sinks as he turns away from me, but then he reaches back and pulls my arm around him. “You can talk to me about anything, Cross. Even her. I know it hurts. I can't imagine how heavy that hole inside you is. I know you're hollow and it's my fault. You chose me over your mate and I let you do it because I'm selfish. That's why I left and why I was going to keep my distance for the rest of our lives. I need you to be whole more than I need you to be mine.”
I pull him against me and breathe in his scent. “I have always been yours.”
“Being mine isn't enough anymore. You need to be the Alpha our pack needs you to be. They need a Luna. I'm not going anywhere, but they need a Luna.”
“They'll have one. That's part of why I came here. I'll fix myself and then we'll find a Luna we can both live with. I won't budge on that, Parker.”
He doesn't say anything but I can feel the weight of what he wants to say hanging heavily between us. There's a lot left for me to say, too, but I'm too worn to say any of it tonight. I just want to be here with him right now, just for a while. We can go back to navigating the minefield of this place and all the trip wires I put in our path myself in the morning.
“Hey,” Parker whispers.
“Yeah?”
