He raises a thick brow. “You sure about that?”
I roll my eyes and walk past him. “Come on. Let's get something to eat.”
Chapter Fifteen
Genie
I am not leaving.
I refuse to let Parker, Cross, or anyone else control my actions.
And I wouldn't spit on Walker if he was on fire. I cannot believe his audacity. Even if I could stand the thought of being with him, I could never take a beta as a mate. My pack would never follow a beta, and a beta could never defend my pack against an alpha challenge. I could never hand my pack over to a beta even if they would follow them, especially not one like him.I don't care how many times I've been rejected, I will not take a mate who will weaken my pack.
I will not take a mate who I don't respect or trust.
Walker is a spoiled man-child with a bad attitude. I'm not surprised in the least that he needed to come here. I don't care enough to ask about it, though. I'm not here to coddle people or make friends. I'm here to work on my issues. I thought about the potential for finding a compatible mate while I'm here, but I don't know if that's an appropriate strategy, especially after my encounter with Walker. I've met a few other people this morning who also give me pause. I don't necessarily think I'm any better than the people here, far from it. But I do think that a lot of them have different problems than I do.
I think some of them were sent here instead of choosing to come. That makes a huge difference in attitude and treatment.
Which is Cross? Did he choose to come, or was it required? Parker is his shadow, so I'm not surprised he's here. He'd probably make up a reason to come to Recovery just to be with Cross. Unless he didn't. What if he's here for a reason, too? I don't know him at all, much less well enough to know what would bring him to Recovery.
That's a jarring thought.
I put all this weight and importance on the two of them, but I don't know them. I don't know anything about either of them, other than they obviously love each other enough for Cross to reject me.
Would knowing them make a difference?
Would knowing me make a difference to them?
I can't agonize over that. I'm already drowning in what-ifs. I need to stop thinking about either of them at all. It's just that Parker gets under my skin; more so than Drew. It almost feels like jealousy, but that can't be it. Drew was never mine to be jealous over. He has always been Parker's.
Still, pride will keep me here. I will go through this program and finish what I came here to do. It might take me a month, it might take several months, but I will finish it and come out stronger.
***
I'm reconsidering a week later. I have guided group meditation four afternoons a week with the other higher ranking people staying here. It's a mix of Alphas and future Lunas, which means I spend the afternoon with Drew four times every week until I either leave or put in for a change. I have to be physically close to him. I have to smell him. I have to hear him speak. And I have to watch a couple of the other females in the class fawn all over him.
It shouldn't bother me, it really shouldn't, but he watches me the whole time it's happening. Quick little glances. Long, obvious stares. It's absurd.Herejectedme. There's no reason for him to watch me to see what kind of a reaction I might have to the attention he's getting. I do my best to ignore him, but every time his eyes land on me I can feel it like a burn or a sting. It's obnoxious. And rude. And my reaction to it makes me feel like a petulant child. All I want to do is throw something at him.
I'm not looking forward to the hunt tonight. I've made a few general and surface-level connections over the past week. No one other than Walker has been openly rude, but I know they all whisper about me. I can hear it when I walk past small huddled groups and behind closed doors in the residential hall. Everyone is so curious about what happened between Drew and me. A lot of people know that he chose Parker instead of me, but even they don't understand the depth of the betrayal.
People are angry with Drew for his decision. I expected that, though. Everyone I know is angry or at least frustrated with the situation. They give him their anger, but they save their pity for me. Poor Genie was rejected. Poor Genie must be heartbroken. Poor Genie must be so embarrassed. Poor Genie better get off her ass and either convince Drew Cross to fulfill the treaty or find another alpha who is strong enough to take on Pack Cross when war breaks out again, because war will break out again if Drew and I don't get our respective acts together. Parker isn't even part of that equation, which is why I prefer to think about how to make it happen. I can find another alpha. A strong one. I just need to work through some things.
A group of people walk past me toward the courtyard talking about the hunt tonight. Everyone here is excited about it except for me, it seems. I don't want to be put into a group with a bunch of people I don't know, or worse – with Drew and Parker. I don't want anyone to see if I get lost in my wolf, especially them.
I've heard enough through the overactive rumor mill of this place that most people have the opposite of the problem I have. Most people here are having trouble finding or maintaining their wolf counterpart. Some people have wolves who aren't happy and behave violently. There are a few people who can't shift at all anymore. My heart aches for those people. I would die without my wolf. She's the only thing keeping me together most of the time.
Still, I don't want to be surrounded by strangers in my most vulnerable state.
As a people, we aren't shy. Some of us can be, but the vast majority of us don't give nudity a second thought. Clothes don't shift, they rip and tear as our bodies rip and tear to rearrange our bones and flesh. I've lost too many good shirts to shifting over the years to risk waiting until the last second to undress. Butthat's at home, with my pack. I don't know these people. And I'd rather rip out a toenail than be naked in front of Drew.
A sudden, horrible feeling presses in around me. That's what's going to happen. I know it. The people organizing this hunt will put me with Drew and Parker. I know it. I am as sure of it as I am sure there are stars in the sky.
I won't go. If I am put into a group with either of them, I won't participate in the hunt. I won't put myself in a position to depend on them. I don't trust them.
I haven't shifted since before I subjected myself to the mating fiasco. I was too afraid to do it before the ceremony, and I've been too afraid to do it since arriving here. My wolf is antsy. She wants out. She needs to run. But not with them.
Why not?She paces inside me, not caring about my human pride.I want to run with him. It is my right.
