Realistically, I understand that I don't have to let him leave. I can go after him. I can order him to stay. But the fact that I'm still sitting on this couch instead of running out the door after him says more than anything else could.
I hate that he might be right. I hate it so much. But we've tried everything else, and things are just getting worse. I'm going to end up hurting Parker. Really hurting him. I've already done enough damage as it is.
I won't go to Eugenia Barrett, though. I can't. It would be disrespectful to her and to Parker. I don't care how good she smelled. I don't care that I crave that scent every waking moment of my life. I don't care that her scent is as much a partof me as my own. I don't care. I know what it means and I. Just. Don't. Care.
If she wasn't my honest to Goddess mate, I wouldn't have to give up Parker. If she was just another female, I could have taken her on as Luna and kept Parker and it would have been fine. But I felt his heart break when I caught her scent. He and I may not have a mate bond, but we're bonded, nonetheless. I felt his heart break into pieces and I couldn't let it happen. I will find another female that can accept Parker.
And Eugenia Barrett will have to find another alpha to replace me.
Chapter Ten
Parker
It will take me a few hours to get back home on foot. I have to explain the situation to my mother. I have to tell her goodbye.
Cross didn't chase after me. That's never happened before. But it's what I wanted. It's what we need. If he had chased me, I would have succumbed to his sadness and the whole cycle would have started over again. This is the only way he has a future, the only way any of us have a future.
Mom is in bed when I finally get back. I'm soaked with sweat and I reek, but none of that matters. I shift and throw on some clothes, then gather the supplies I'll need from my room and themoney I've been saving. Before I go to my mother's room, I open the fridge and take out the large glass casserole dish she always uses for leftovers. I'll see my mom again, I know that, but I want my belly full of her food before I go. I don't know how long I'll be gone, or what I'll eat while I'm gone, and I want to remember the taste of home.
I peel back the aluminum foil and smile sadly when I see the spaghetti mash casserole. Only a small corner is gone from it and I help myself to half of what's left without heating it up. I don't want to risk waking her up early enough to try to convince me to stay.
With my stomach full of pasta and potatoes, I slip quietly into my mother's bedroom and drop to my knees beside her bed.
“Mom,” I whisper.
She's instantly awake. “What's wrong? What happened?”
“Nothing happened,” I tell her. It isn't a complete lie. “Listen, I came back to tell you something. What's happening with me and Cross won't work, Mom. He's getting worse. I left the Summit. Eugenia was there. I have to go. I want them to have a chance, for the pack. They won't if I'm here. Does that make sense?”
“What do you mean, you have to go? Parker, you can't go.” Her alarm and worry cloud the room until there's no room for regular air to breathe.
“I have to, Mom. I really do. I'll be back. I'll stay gone long enough to give them a chance, then I'll be back. It'll be okay. I promise.”
“Where will you go?”
I lean forward to kiss her cheek. “Somewhere. I'll be alright. I'll call. I'll be okay. I promise.”
My mother cries when I leave, but she lets me go. I didn't want her to fight it, but now two people have let me leave without putting up the fight I expected. It further cements my decision. I should have left a long time ago. I should have walked awayfrom the clearing when Eugenia was first presented to Cross. Everything would be different, and better, if I had.
Unfortunately, I don't really have a plan. I don't have anywhere to go. Not really. My mom and Cross are my family, so staying with family on other lands isn't a possibility. I don't have any human friends, so that's out. I don't have the money to stay in a hotel, all my money needs to be reserved for food. I do have a tent, though. It's in my bag. I figured I would camp at least part of the time, I just didn't think it would be so immediate.
It's fine. I'm used to being outside. I like camping. I'm an excellent hunter. I'm not worried about me. I'm worried about Drew. This will be hard for him, for a while anyway. Hopefully he will get his shit together fast and either go after Eugenia to right the situation, or go shopping for a new Luna completely outside of the situation. Either way, he needs the room and freedom to make the choice without my influence.
I'll be back. And I won't go far. It will be fine.
I hike for a few days on the outskirts of our territory, stopping to sleep under treetops and stars. I don't want to venture onto another pack's land, but I need to steer completely clear of the pack's main residential areas. By now, news of my departure will have spread. I halfway expected at least someone to come looking for me, but no one has. I don't know how I feel about that, but I hang on to my faith in Drew to be the alpha I know he is.
Everything will be okay. It has to be.
***
~Thirteen Months Later ~
It's been over a year.
Thirteen months and eight days.
The deer I've been stalking turns toward the stream and I follow silently. She knows something is following her, but she can't do anything about it. Her ears and tail twitch with her every movement. She can't hear me or truly sense me, but she knows something is out there, just beyond her area of acute awareness. I'm tired and hungry. I don't want to have to chase her down for longer than a minute or two. I just want to catch her so I can eat and then end this day. I have been in my wolf form more than I've been in my human skin for the better part of eight months. It's easier to hunt. My wolf is better at it than I could ever be and I trust him to keep us fed and warm. He'll get the deer, I'm just a passenger at this point.
