“I don’t know. I guess deep down, I blamed myself for not trying harder to get her to see you. Dad did, he still does, just—”
“Not in the way most dads do?”
“He may not understand why you want to pursue music; he comes from a line of doctors, so I think it’s hard for him to get that in his head. But he doesn’t want you to be anyone else. I think by the time he realized he needed to be more present in your life, you had the Reed family; you didn’t need him.”
“I always needed him. I appreciate you saying this, Naomi, but he still could have made an effort. They both could’ve. I’ve been on my own because they let that happen, not you, not me, them. They went on a cruise for Thanksgiving and didn’t even consider inviting me. They’ve never been to one of my performances. They’ve never listened to any of my music. They’ve never shown me they care.”
Maybe in their own fucked up way they do. At least my dad doesn’t ridicule me like my mom does, but he’s not much better. It’s been nice over the last few months to be able to talk to Ember about our moms. About how her mom has always wanted to change her… and about how my mom never wanted me.
She told my dad that.
I think it was right after we moved into this house. Probably a couple of days before I met Fletcher. I was in the living room playing a ukulele, and they were in the kitchen arguing.
He was upset because she was taking on more work, and he didn’t know what they were going to do about me. Before that, they had Naomi to rely on, which meant she was home with me, not necessarily babysitting me.
She stopped what she was doing in the kitchen, looked him dead in the eyes, and told himhewanted me. She told him she never wanted to have another kid. That she was in the prime of her career now and wasn’t going to give that up to raise a child. She already had a child; she'd already done that, and if he wanted them to have a baby, I’d behisresponsibility.
She’d have me, but she wouldn’t care for me.
I guess that’s one promise she stuck to.
“I’m sorry I haven’t either. I do care, Tate. You’re my little sister; I’ll always care. I’m sorry I haven’t made you feel that way sooner.”
I tap on my guitar and then stand up.
“You and Ethan want to go grab some ice cream?” I ask. “Catch up?”
“I’d like that.” She smiles. “Tasty Treat?”
“Tasty Treat.”
twenty
Fletcher
Ihad a lot of fun tonight.” Casey turns to me as we reach her car.
“Me too.” I smile. “It was nice to get out of my crazy house for a few hours.”
“I can’t believe I never knew you were one of fourteen kids. Like, that had to have been your fun fact in school during the first week.”
“Technically, I think Bode came into the picture too late for me to say I was one of fourteen kids during the first week of school.”
“Oh, yeah, makes sense. Being one of thirteen kids is much more reasonable,” she teases. “But really, I wish we had hung out more in high school. I guess we just ran with different crowds.”
“Maybe. Hockey pretty much consumed my life in high school, and in a lot of ways, it still does, so you wouldn’t have seen me at too many high school parties.”
“Is that why you’re not seeing anyone?” I don’t miss the way she takes a step toward me. “Hockey?”
“I don’t know.” I wet my lips. “I think that’s an easy excuse when the guys bug me about it. And they know I don’t do meaningless hookups, so it’s easier to say I just need to focus on hockey. Hopefully, I’ll find a pro team as a free agent and be able to do this as a career.”
“No meaningless hookups, huh?” She smirks, her eyes focusing directly on mine. “What does that make tonight?”
“Well, we haven’t done anything, so—”
“And if I kissed you right now, what would tonight be then?”
“Well, I’ve kissed girls before, ones I’m not dating. I mean the, well, you know, the other thing is, um.” I scratch the back of my neck.
