I should stop talking. He shared something personal; I shared something personal. End of discussion.
But I continue.
“I was so excited.” I finally look at him and see his sad eyes. And I remember why I never tell anyone about this. “No one had ever wanted to get to know me. And here was this hot-shot hockey player interested inme.”
I remember that day Tanner approached me like it was yesterday. He told me that he saw me in the student union the first week of classes and had been trying to find me ever since.
I guess right there, I should’ve known it was a lie.
“Before Tanner, I hadn’t even kissed a boy,” I continue. “Not really. And suddenly, I was going on dates and being flaunted in public. He wasn’t ashamed of me. I was blinded by the excitement that I never thought something was going on. I should’ve known something wasn’t right.”
“Em—”
“I should’ve listened to my gut. But once we hit six months, I just thought, this has to be real, right?” I continue. “But when your plan involves a freshman girl who isn’t ready to give it up just because you’reyou, you’ve need to play the long game. And when he told me he loved me, my whole world exploded.
“I had never felt so alive; he made me feelbeautiful.”
I take a breath, digging my thumbnail into my middle finger, trying to collect my thoughts. My tongue darts out and collects the tear roaming against my upper lip.
“And I thought, why the hell not.” I swallow back my tears. “I love him; he loves me; this is something people do when they’re in love.”
“Did he know?” Declan’s voice cracks, but I can’t tell if he’s sad or angry.
I nod. Declan’s head drops.
“I told him.” I shrug. “I wanted him to know in case it was bad… you know?” I bite my bottom lip to keep in the rest of my tears. “Barely a week later, I was at his frat party, and suddenly that night between us was—”
I feel a burning sensation in my chest, thinking back to that night.
“Well, you know the rest.”
I quickly wipe away the tears collecting under my eyes.
“Em, I’m—”
“Don’t.” I shake my head. “It wasn’t your fault. It was mine. I was stupid and trusted someone I shouldn’t have.”
“You were in love.”
“And he wasn’t. And I should’ve known better.”
Without saying anything, he wraps his arms around me. He smells nice; it’s a comforting smell. Almost like how I remember Abercrombie smelling when I was a kid, just not as overwhelming. I sink into his comfort. I allow him to hold me. No one knows the full story about Tanner and me, and when that night spread around campus, Cam assumed they were lies.
I never corrected him.
“You didn’t deserve that,” he whispers, running his hand through my hair. I steady myself against his body, holding onto his shirt, my tears seeping into the material. I sniffle as I pull back, and I feel the air leave my lungs when my eyes meet his. His thumb grazes my cheek, wiping away the remaining tears, but his eyes don’t leave mine.
We’ve looked at each other before… but we’ve never been this close before. Both literally and figuratively. Our legs are practically intertwined, his hand is still cupping my face, but his thumb is so much closer to my lips now rather than my cheek. His eyes flicker down to my lips, just for a fleeting moment. One I would’ve missed if I wasn’t studying him so closely.
His tongue grazes over his bottom lip. My heart is beating so fast I can feel the rhythm in my ears. My eyes study his adam’s apple as he swallows, and I feel like the room is getting smaller. Or maybe he’s moving closer. I can barely hear the party going on downstairs. I only have one focus, and it’s him. I want this.I want him.
The ringtone blasting from his phone causes us to jump apart. I still feel his thumb against my cheek, like it’s seared into my skin. Our breathing is ragged and heavy like we just got done making out, but we’re looking at each other like we just got caught doing something we shouldn’t. Declan pulls his phone out of his pocket.
“What’s up, Brooks?” he wonders as I scoot back to create more distance between us. “I’m in my room, man… yeah… no sure, dude. I’ll be down in a second, okay?”
“Nice ringtone.” I smile, trying to evaporate the awkwardness brewing.
“Gotta love Brooks.” He sighs. “Sorry about that, I didn’t—”
