I snap back to reality and try to regain my composure.
“I don’t remember us interacting freshman year,” I respond. It’s not a lie, but it’s also not the truth.
“Well, we did. Kind of.” She sits up straighter like it will help make her point. “Tanner Scott. He was a senior our first year.”
“Okay.”
We’re doing this. We’re talking about the Tanner situation.
“And I was stupid enough to think he was interested in me, just to find out it was some messed up tradition.”
“And where do I fit into this?” I wonder, knowing exactly what my role was.
“You guys were always together. He introduced me to you at one of the frat parties like I didn’t already know who you were,” she begins. “And when everything went down, I pieced it all together.Youhelped him choose me.”
I don’t say anything. I wait for her to finish because she might never do so if I don't.
“I don’t know why I didn’t realize it sooner.” She laughs. “I mean, I should’ve known you would have something to do with it.”
“And why would I have something to do with it?”
“I already told you, you’re a dick.”
She turns back to her computer.
“So?”
“You already knew me. Like you said, you’ve played hockey with Cam for years. There’s no way a senior would’ve picked me out of the blue. Chosenmeover everyone else.”
She’s right. She wasn’t chosen out of the blue.
“I had no idea.” I pause. “Yeah, I spent a lot of time with Tanner during my freshman year. He helped me navigate everything, but I never told him to go after you.”
It’s not a lie. I’m not innocent in the whole matter, either, though. Because at the end of the day, I was the reason he went after her, just not for the reason she thinks.
“And why should I believe you?”
“What do I have to gain from lying to you?” I wonder. “You already don’t like me.”
“I guess you don’t have anything to gain.” She’s cautious with her words. “I guess I should apologize.”
“No need.” I shake my head.
“No, I was wrong to hold this whole thing against you when you had nothing to do with it,” she replies.
“Well, not—”
“So, I’m sorry. It was a hard couple of months,” she faces, “a hard year after that night.”
And by the way her voice fades out, I can tell it’s something that still hasn’t gone away. Anyone on campus could tell you about that night. I’m surprised Cam hasn’t hunted down everyone involved because of what Tanner did to her. If it was Brinley, I’d be behind bars right now.
“Like I said, don’t mention it.”
And this time, when silence fills the air, it’s a comfortable silence. But knowing what freshman year did to her is killing me.
I watch as a light pink fills her cheeks and realize, for the second time since we started working together, I’m staring. She swallows and looks away, her hair falling at the perfect angle to block her face from me.
“Why do you do that?” I question. It’s not the first time I’ve noticed her hiding when someone looks at her. And I never thought anything of it before, but it’s the third time, at least, that she’s done it to me.
