thirty-eight
Ember
Is it weird to have sex with the lights on? I didn’t think anything of it until I dragged Declan into my room and flipped the light switch without thinking anything of it. Would that send him mixed signals? Do I want him to see me naked with the lights on?
Shit. When was the last time I shaved… everywhere?
“Em?”
“Hmm?” I wonder, turning around and realizing that Declan has been stuck in my doorway while I battle myself mentally over my actions.
He steps toward me, closes the door behind him, and tucks a finger under my chin.
“What’s going on in that head of yours?”
It’s my favorite thing he asks me. He knows I’m always overthinking, and this is his way of getting me to say what’s on my mind.
“Is it weird I turned the light on?” I wonder, furrowing my brows. “Did that ruin the mood… is that a turn-off?”
“Nothing about you is a turn-off,” he whispers, closing the distance between us. His hands gripping my waist, but not in a romantic way, necessarily, but in a comforting way. “This doesn’t have to happen today.” He brushes a strand of hair away from my face. “If you’re not ready. If you realize maybe you jumped into the idea of this too quickly that you never stopped to think about what it actually meant. We’ll stop here, okay? I’ve waited for you this long; I can wait longer. You’re worth it. You’ll always be worth it.”
But I do want this. I might actually want this to happen more than he does, but I can’t help but wonder what tomorrow will bring. Will this change everything between us? I mean, of course, it’ll change things between us; it’s a big step. A step that I don’t often take… once, to be exact, and it blew up in my face.
I shake my head, but I don’t give him the time to figure out what it means; I show him. My lips find his lips, my hands cupping his face, pulling him further into me. It’s almost like the clarification wakes something in him, and suddenly this kiss isn’t like the kisses we’ve shared before this… except for one, maybe. The first night this almost happened.
He turns me around, backing me up against the wall, his hands in my hair before I even realize what they’re doing. It’s like I’ve felt them everywhere but also nowhere, all at once. Like he’s trying to memorize every piece of me, and the only way to do that is by dragging his hands along my body.
His fingers find my coat zipper without his lips ever leaving mine. The sound of the zipper coming undone fills the room; it’s almost deafening. Besides our heavy breaths craving each other’s lips… wants… desires, it’s the only thing I hear.
He slides it off my shoulders, and it falls to the floor with a thud, and that’s when I realize just how many layers I have on.
A sweatshirt. A lighter jacket. A t-shirt. A long sleeve. And a tank top. All of that comes before the very boring bra I decided to wear today.
“I really chose the worst day to do this,” I mumble against his mouth, and my lips vibrate as he chuckles.
“I don’t mind working for it.”
I’m done. If any part of me wasn’t sure I’d be able to let go and unravel after my first attempt at this with a man… those words said it all.
I’m honestly surprised I’m still standing and that the arousal burning deep in my stomach didn’t take me out.
He rolls his hips into mine, and I moan, which gives his tongue, which has been roaming my lips, the perfect opportunity to slide into my mouth. His hands run across my curves, sliding further south before making their way around to the back of my thighs. His fingers grip my thighs hard that I’m sure he’s seared his fingerprints into my legs.
Even though I have layers upon layers on, I can feel his touch everywhere. Like he’s burning through each piece of fabric whenever his hands find a new part of my body to explore. He lifts my legs, wrapping me around him, before pushing his body firmly against mine, allowing me to feel just what I do to him.
And soon enough, if he can’t already hear it in my breathing, he’ll know exactly what he does to me.
I use this opportunity to slide his jacket off his shoulders, allowing it to fall just a few feet from mine. My hands travel up the back of his neck, giving his hair a gentle tug in order to taste more of him. Our clashing tongues send shivers down my spine, and as much as I love doing this, right now, I want more. I need more.
He adjusts our position, his lips leaving mine but finding the skin just below my jaw. I realize he also slipped his shoes off in the time it took him to adjust our position, another layer I didn’t think about taking off until now.
I pull my legs out of his grip, allowing my feet to hit the floor, and as they do, he takes a step back, like maybe this is the moment I tell him to stop.
Instead, I pull the sweatshirt over my head, unzip my jacket… and before I know it, I’m standing in front of him in just my bra.
Now I definitely wish I hadn’t turned the light on. There’s something so much more vulnerable about this happening with the lights on than in the dark, where you can barely even see the other person’s silhouette.
His eyes trace over every inch of my body, studying it slowly. “God, you’re beautiful.”
