"That isn't what I’m apologizing for." Luca lowered his hands. His eyes were red-rimmed, desperate. "I’m apologizing for being a coward. For pushing you away. For—Christ, Theo, for everything."
The hollow feeling in my chest expanded. "Luca..."
"I signed the contract," Luca said in a rush. "Five years, no-movement clause. I met with my father afterward and he talked about keeping my image clean and avoiding distractions and I just... I nodded. I agreed with him. I came to practice the next day and looked at you and convinced myself that ending things was the right choice. The smart choice."
My shoulder throbbed. My head felt stuffed with cotton. "Why are you telling me this?"
"Because I watched you take that hit and I..." Luca’s voice broke completely. "I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. All Icould see was you on the ice and I just—I lost it. Completely lost it."
"I noticed." My mouth was dry. "You put a guy in the hospital."
"He deserved worse." There was no remorse in Luca’s voice, just flat certainty. Then his expression crumbled. "But that isn't... Theo, when I saw you go down, nothing else mattered. Not the contract, not my career, not my father or the closet or anything. Just you."
The words hung in the sterile air.
I wanted to believe him. God, I wanted to believe him so badly it physically hurt. But I’d already done this dance—already opened myself up and gotten shut down. I’d already let myself hope.
"You’re scared," I said quietly. "I get it. But being scared doesn't give you the right to wreck me every time you panic."
Luca flinched like he’d been struck. "You’re right. You’re absolutely right. I’ve been—I’m a mess, Theo. I’ve been closeted since I was fourteen and I don't know how to... I don't know how to be anything else."
"Then maybe you should figure that out before dragging someone else into it."
"I don't want to figure it out alone." Luca crossed the remaining distance between us and dropped to his knees beside the examination table. Up close, I could see the cut above his eyebrow was still oozing slightly. I could see the burst capillaries in his knuckles, the wild desperation in his eyes. "I’ve been alone for sixteen years and I’m so tired, Theo. I’m so goddamn tired of pretending."
My chest constricted. My good hand twitched with the urge to reach out, to touch, to comfort. I forced myself to stay still.
"What happened?" I asked instead.
Luca closed his eyes. "I told you about Sam. We were stupid about it—held hands in the hallway, kissed behind the bleachers.Someone saw. Posted pictures online. Within twenty-four hours, everyone knew. My teammates. My coaches. My parents."
"What did they do?"
"My father sat me down and explained—very calmly, very rationally—exactly how being gay would destroy any chance I had at a hockey career. How scouts and coaches and GMs would never take a risk on someone like that. How I’d be a liability in the locker room." Luca’s voice was hollow. "Then he enrolled me in a new school, moved me to a different team, and told me we would never speak about it again."
My stomach twisted. "Luca..."
"Sam left his house that night and got jumped by three guys from our school. They put him in the hospital with a broken jaw and two fractured ribs." Luca opened his eyes, and they were bleak. "He was fifteen. And it was my fault for not being careful enough."
"It wasn't your fault," I said immediately. "It was theirs. The guys who attacked him, the people who outed you—"
"I know that logically." Luca’s laugh was bitter. "But I also learned that being visible has consequences. And I’ve spent ten years making sure I was invisible enough that no one would ever get hurt because of me again."
The pieces clicked together. The rigid control. The panic. The way Luca had pushed me away the moment things felt too real.
"I’m not Sam," I said carefully. "And you aren't fourteen anymore."
"I know. I know that. But when my agent started talking about image and my father started talking about avoiding distractions, all I could think was..." Luca pressed his palms against his thighs, fingers digging in hard enough to leave marks. "All I could think was that if anyone found out about us, you’d be the one who got hurt. Your career is just starting. I have thecaptaincy, the contract, the reputation. I couldn't let you become collateral damage."
"That wasn't your choice to make for me."
"I know." Luca’s voice cracked again. "I know, and I’m sorry. I thought I was protecting you and I just... I wrecked everything instead."
My shoulder throbbed. My head felt too heavy. The pain medication was starting to make everything fuzzy at the edges, and I needed to think clearly. I needed to figure out if this was real or just guilt and panic talking.
"What are you going to do about it?" I asked.
Luca looked up at me, eyes red and desperate and completely stripped of the mask I’d spent weeks trying to see beneath. "Whatever it takes," he said. "I’ll tell the team. I’ll tell my father. I’ll hold a press conference if that’s what you need. I don't care anymore, Theo. I can't... I can't keep living like this."
