“Me? Bitch is you?” I asked, with raised brows of my own.
Five was steady talking shit, but Lakeland paid him dust as we walked away, heading for the crowded stairwell.
After stepping over trash and what felt like twenty kids, we were finally on our way to the other side of the community where Zariah lived in building twelve.
Lakeland talked shit about Five the whole way there. I said nothing. Not because I didn’t have anything to add but because adding my two cents would be pointless. I wasn’t in the business of telling people what they should and shouldn’t do so I just kept my mouth shut.
Hours later,we were at this girl named Mookie’s spot for her brother, Junior’s welcome home party. He was just released from prison two days ago and damn near the whole hood was at her shit. The apartments at The Woods were small as hell but that didn’t stop people from packing it like a sardine can. People stood outside of the apartment too, blocking the hallway and the stairwell.
I didn’t fuck with half of the people here, but I knew them. They knew me too. As Meech’s put up little sister. I wasn’t Meech’s put up little sister tonight though. I was outside. After Zariah fixed my lace, I got dressed in a pair of baggy jeans, a black tank, and a pair of black thong sandals. It was simple, but accessorizing with gold jewelry and a black crossbody bag with gold hardware made it look like I put more effort into my look than I actually did.
“You feelin that shit now ain’t you, cuz?” Asked my cousin Alani, nudging me.
Lazily, I blinked and licked my dry lips in what felt like slow motion. Everything moved at a slow pace. Well… not everything. Just me. The music blasting from the speaker sitting on the floor next to me played at its usual pace. As King Von rapped about a stripper bitch, the niggas in the middle of the small room threw their hands up, rapping along with him, spilling liquor onto the stained carpeted floor at a normal pace too. It was just me moving in slow motion and my God it felt amazing.
“Rei Rei,” Alani called out, nudging me again.
“Please don’t tell me you gave her the whole thing, bitch,” My other cousin, Dom, fussed.
Alani sucked her teeth. “You think I’m dumb? I gave her ass half.”
“You shouldn’t have given her shit. She already hit Hood’s blunt,” Lakeland said, kneeling in front of me, offering me a sip of her water.
Because my mouth was dry, I took the bottle from her, twisted the cap off, and chugged it.
“Rei—”
“What?” I finally answered. “I’m good.”
“Ho, you ain’t good. You been sitting here stuck for a minute now,” Lake said. “We about to go. You doin’ too fuckin’ much.”
She was right. I was doing too much. When Hood passed me his blunt, I should have declined like I did every time a blunt was passed my way. I took it though. Pulled from it four times like I knew what I was doing. I hadn’t hit a blunt since Meech forced me to last year on my twenty-first birthday.
I was really tripping when I asked Alani for half of her Perc. I was doing anything. Felt like I needed to. The only reason I came to Junior’s welcome home party was because I needed something to do to keep my mind from staying on Meech. But the minute I walked in, I thought about him and how he would’ve gotten on my ass for even thinking about showing up to some shit like this.
To add insult to injury, damn near everybody I crossed paths with offered condolences. Everybody knew Meech and to know him was to love him. My brother was a real ass nigga who showed love to everybody that showed love to him. While the condolences were nice, I hated them. My chest tightened every time I heard ‘sorry for your loss, my baby’.
So no, when Hood passed me the blunt, I didn’t decline. And yes, when Alani pulled her cute ass pill case out, I asked for one. I didn’t want to feel shit. And I didn’t. Not even my face.
“She ain’t doing too much. We got her,” Alani said, plopping down on the couch, beside me. She smoothed my hair over. “She needed that shit.”
“But you know Rei is a lightweight. Her ass can barely handle a shot of Don, and you give her a fuckin’ pill?”
“Sereia is a grown ass woman. She don’t need you babysitting her, bitch. Damn,” Alani snapped.
I sat there quiet, while they talked about me as if I wasn’t sitting there. Eyes barely opened, watching the nigga across the room.Myold nigga. Chevelle. He looked nice. Better than he did when I saw him two weeks ago. Through his dark tinted Cartier glasses, I could tell his eyes were on me too. Shit, any time I wasin the same room with him, Vellz was fixed on me. It was me who usually paid him dust. Vellz and I hadn’t been together for almost two years. We were on and off since I was fourteen. At twenty, I decided enough was enough and when I broke up with him that time, I was done.
He didn’t cheat.
Didn’t mistreat me.
Didn’t disrespect me.
I was just tired. Tired of him being in and out of jail. Tired of his low ambition. Tired of the block. Tired of the same ol’ shit. Things with Vellz didn’t progress. We were at a standstill becausehewas at a standstill. He was trapped. Planted in a hood that didn’t truly give a fuck about him. Loyal to a game that had never been loyal to him. He was a true product of his environment. The typical ass drug dealing, weed smoking, Don Julio drinking hood nigga with low ambition and only a couple of dollars to show for after years of hustling.
It didn’t and wouldn’t work because I’d always wanted more. Anytime I would talk about him getting a real job and moving out of Brickhaven, he would tense up. He’d start stroking his thick beard. His eyes would widen, and he’d look off, talking about ‘shiiiit, ain’t shit else out here baby. We home.’ And that shit use to irk the hell out of me. While most young couples argued about bitches, we argued about ambition.
Vellz wasn’t a bum ass nigga. He was just hella low vibrational and me, as a high vibe ass bitch, couldn’t take things too serious with him. He always brought me down. I wasn’t content with sitting on my ass, getting drunk and high. I wanted more out of life. And while my current situation didn’t reflect that, it was true.
