He moaned softly when she tugged on his ear with her teeth and tipped his head back. His cheeks flushed in the dim light of the gas lamp on the bedside table, his voice thick when he rasped, “Yeah. But don’t you dare consider this done.”
She laughed softly, brushing the tip of her nose against his. “You do know that’s a little risky, right?”
“Risky how?” he muttered, kissing her to punctuate the words.
“Risky, as in…” She gasped as he gently flipped her so her back was pressed against the mattress. “If you’re trying to prevent children.”
He didn’t freeze or shut down like she expected him to. He stayed where he was, stroking his fingers against her cheek, but his gaze wandered. He seemed a little distracted, though not upset.
“Morgen?”
His lips twitched in a smile that never quite formed, and then he cleared his throat and met her eyes. “You remember what I said, about why I was against that?”
“Yes, because of the embers…” Except she trailed off when she realized what he must have considered too.
The reason he didn’t want children wasn’t because he didn’twantthem, but because he was terrified of what would happen to her if she was pregnant with his child. He had vowed to never let such a thing happen, because he thought the embers would kill her. But she had the embers held within her now too. She had already technically survived the process that killed his mother and all the others.
“Do you understand what I’m saying?”
She nodded, eyes widening and burning with rising emotion.
“This doesn’t mean I expect that of you. I wouldneverask you to have children if it was something you didn’t want. You know that, right?”
“I know,” she whispered with a trembling smile.
Her entire life had been ruled by fates she had no say in. When she was young, she hadn’t been able to put her fear of love into words. But as she grew, she’d realized her idea of giving herself to someone in that way was tied directly to pain. Tragedy ran in her bloodline; the Fates had long decided for herthat to love was a fatal thing. It could still happen, but when it did, it would destroy her—and it had. She was not the same, and something inside her was forever broken by what had happened. But perhaps that was just what was needed to end the cycle. Morgen had defied the Fates when he gave her the embers. She felt the truth of that in every breath she took, just a little more strained than before. But she was alive, and he was no longer cursed by the fear Kronos had never let him forget or deny: that he would destroy anything he loved.
They had choices now, not tragic destinies.
“Hey,” he said softly, his brow creased. “I didn’t mean you had to make any sort of decision right now.”
She laughed, her voice breaking. “I know, and I won’t, because I already know what I want. I just never had the luxury of being able to admit it, even to myself.”
His lips parted, but he didn’t speak. She could tell he didn’t want to say anything that might push her one way or another.
“You can relax,” she whispered, kissing him. “For now. Because I’ve always wanted a big family.”
He laughed abruptly, pulling back to look at her. “Are you serious?”
“Completely. I used to be terrified Varax would randomly send you flashes of all our babies I was imagining. And then you’d ask, and I’d have to pretend it had nothing to do with you, but the lie would be very easy to pick up on because they all had your eyes?—”
“Nya,” he said, laughing and brushing his thumbs down her tear-damp cheeks. “That would have terrified me.”
She grinned. “I know.”
He sighed, still laughing softly as he dropped his forehead against hers and shut his eyes. “Just promise me something, will you?”
She nodded against him. “I’m not going to die in childbirth. I’m fairly certain the embers would make that very difficult.”
“I wasn’t going to say that, but thank you for reminding me of that terrifying notion.”
“Oh… What were you going to say?”
He kissed her, slowly and deeply, and she almost forgot she was waiting for him to speak until he gently pulled away.
“Promise me to make sure I actually do my duty, by force if you need to. Even though I know you’ll probably be much better at it than I will, ruling Arcadia is supposed to be my burden. A part of me would love to watch you put everyone in their place, and once we have children, it will be tempting to say fuck it and hand off being king to someone else. But I shouldn’t hide from the responsibility, not anymore.”
“And the embers,” she muttered, arching her back as he kissed down across her collarbone. “Can’t forget the importance of those.”
