For a moment I was distracted by the incongruity of his emotion until it hit me once again how differently he saw the world. In the lower city, among the commonborn, an Academy failure was a matter of excitement—even rejoicing. Among the mages, it must be something both feared and dreaded.
“Yes, that’s the one,” I said, my voice softer. “The office for the management of sealed affairs requested a name fromevery school in the kingdom. Just one name. Each school was supposed to nominate their top student among those sixteen and older.”
“And that was you.” He watched my face intently, caught in my story as I had hoped.
“It was.” My voice held a fierce note despite myself. “It should have been me. My teacher knew it. Everyone knew it.”
“So what happened?” Zakary’s grip had slackened, although he didn’t entirely let go, the warm circle of his fingers now soft against my skin.
“We had a second Robart among us back then—my closest friend at the school, Gina. We were the same age, and she was great fun, but she didn’t have the same dedication to her studies as I did. She didn’t want it as badly.” A lump formed in the back of my throat, and I pushed it away. “She was the one to join me whenever I emerged from my studying to have a moment of fun.”
“Fun.” Zakary’s voice held the ghost of a chuckle, giving me a surge of hope. “Things like catapulting yourself into piles of crates and leaping on armed attackers? That sort of fun?”
I managed a grin. “You should chat with my mother some time. She’s always bemoaning that such a diligent student can also be so wild and reckless. But she doesn’t understand how wearing it gets, acting with control and discipline all the time. Sometimes I have to rebel and do something wild or I might explode.”
Zakary’s eyes dropped to the letter in his hand, and his amusement dimmed. “So you did something reckless and got yourself overlooked two years ago?”
“No!”
I almost wished I had. If it had been my fault I wasn’t chosen, maybe it would have been easier to bear.
“I wasn’t reckless, I just got sick. Not even badly sick. I just got a poorly timed summer cold.”
Zakary frowned. “What difference did that make?”
“All the difference in the kingdom.” I drew a deep breath as I reached the painful part of the story. “My head was so heavy and foggy for the last test of the year that I didn’t perform to my usual standard. Gina, on the other hand, did unusually well. She usually placed in the middle of the class, but she came first that time. I thought she must have studied extra hard and even congratulated her on her success.”
I dwelt darkly on that thought for a moment before forcing my mind onward.
“Then the news came about the failure of the mage trainee. I was so elated that I sprinted all the way to school, needing official confirmation that our teacher had been asked to nominate someone for the sealing.” My voice faltered at the memory of the devastation that had so taken me by surprise.
“You said Gina is a Robart.” Zakary said the words with grim understanding, proving the quickness of his mind.
I nodded miserably. “The teachers are supposed to nominate their top student, and everyone knew that was me. But that last test gave him the excuse he needed to choose Gina instead.”
“And you said she studied extra hard for that one test.” Zakary spoke the words levelly, but I caught a spark in his eyes.
I nodded again. “It’s obvious in retrospect. The Robarts are influential enough to know what’s happening among the mages. They must have known a failure was likely. I honestly thought Gina was my friend, but…”
“But she seized her chance when it came.” His voice turned gentle.
“She never even returned to the school. I haven’t seen her since.”
Zakary winced, and I pushed away the old pain. I had to focus on what was happening now if I wanted to avoid an even more devastating blow to my future than Gina’s betrayal.
“From that experience, I learned that it’s not enough to be top of the class. I need to be in the teacher’s goodwill as well. He received many marks of favor from the Robarts after Gina was sealed, and I know he has expectations of transferring to a position in their company in the next couple of years. But that’s given me an opening. He’s grown increasingly resentful of the demands of his teaching role, and he’s always complaining about not having enough time. So I do him small favors whenever I can, like delivering a letter for him.”
“This isn’t a small favor!” Zakary let me go at last, and the sudden lack of contact left me feeling unmoored. I rubbed my palm against the filthy material of my clothes.
“He must know he could get in as much trouble as you!” Zakary strode a few paces away and then wheeled to come back. “What’s his name?”
I shook my head rapidly. “I’m not saying.”
He looked down at the letter in his hands, and I lunged forward, managing to take him by surprise and seize it back. “No, please. Don’t!”
We stood, eyes locked, my breath coming in ragged gasps.
“Please,” I whispered softly.
