He looked at me with hungry eyes, and I fell back another step.
“Our families.” The words came out shaky. “What are they going to say? I’m sure you can charm my family into agreeing.Once they know you’re serious…” I shook my head, imagining just how excited they would be about my unimaginable leap in status. “But what about your parents? They’ll never consent to you marrying a commonborn girl without any power at all, and you clearly care what they think, or you wouldn’t be here at all.”
“You’re forgetting why I agreed to come here in the first place.” Zak’s voice was serious, his eyes on me. “For most of my time at the Academy, I had no intention of acquiescing and coming to the University. I only agreed to come after I met you. If you remember, I said I was gathering my parents’ goodwill for a time in the future when I would have need of it. This is that time.”
“All the way back then?” I asked in a choked whisper, temporarily robbed of breath.
“I already told you.” He didn’t look away. “You began ensnaring me the moment you leaped into my life.”
His words were beguiling. I wanted to let myself sway toward him—to have his arms around me again as he made me forget all my objections. But I couldn’t believe in his assurances about the future. The divide between us was too firmly entrenched. Who were we to defy all of Ardannian society and its entire history?
If he truly didn’t care about his own future or the contempt of his peers, surely he cared about his future children. My cheeks flushed at the thought of bringing up the subject, but I forced myself to say the words.
“Let’s say we did get married,” I whispered. “What about our future children? Don’t you care about them and how they would be viewed by their peers? Don’t you think they would resent you for making them weak?”
“Who said they’d be weak?” he asked, with more fire than the question warranted.
I stared at him. “Everyone knows that mages cultivate their bloodlines for strength. Strong mages marry other strong magesso that their children are stronger still. It’s how the great families have ensured their power through centuries. It’s why royals can only marry other royals or members of a great family.”
“Actually, I heard that law is being repealed,” he said quickly. “The Spoken Mage insisted on it. And look at everything else that’s happening in the kingdom because of her arrival. Times are changing. By the time our children are adults, Ardann will be a different kingdom.”
“I can’t believe it will be that different,” I whispered.
“I’ve actually been thinking about the issue of our children,” he said, making me blush again. He didn’t seem to notice, though, continuing on with enthusiasm. “I knew it would be one of my parents’ major objections, so I wanted to have an answer ready. If I want my children to be more powerful than me, I would need to marry another strong mage—to combine strength with strength. That makes sense. But the idea that if I marry a commonborn, my children would be guaranteed only weak control of power is just an assumption. No one has ever actually trialed it.”
I frowned. “I thought there had been a few disastrous marriages between a mage and a commonborn in the past, and their children ended up failing the Academy. I thought those examples are why mages are so opposed to the idea.”
“True, there have been occasional mages who married commonborns,” he said, his enthusiasm not diminished. “But only weak mages from minor families have ever done it. It’s true their children were weak, and everyone blamed the commonborn parent. But I’m not convinced. I think children of a mage and a commonborn will have every chance of inheriting a similar level of power to their mage parent. They won’t get an advantage of greater strength, but neither is there any reason to think they’ll be significantly weaker. And in our case, I haveplenty of strength to give our children a good future.” He said the words simply, without pride. Just stating a fact.
“I—” I stared at him. “But if you’re wrong, we won’t know it until it’s much too late.”
“I’m willing to take that risk, Aria,” he said. “I don’t care about any of that. The only reason I considered the matter at all is because of my parents.” His face softened. “I care about our future children, of course.” His voice dropped again. “But just think how incredible they would be, Aria. With your beauty and mind and my power, I defy anyone in Ardann not to love them.”
I choked, unable to meet his eyes when he looked at me like that. But I couldn’t trust my response. I couldn’t trust the emotions that drove both of us. Emotions faded. I had seen enough of life to know that. Without a sturdy foundation, a relationship built on nothing but emotion would never last. And while my status would be forever lifted by our marriage, Zak would be dragged down. If the emotions faded, I would still be elevated, but he would be left with nothing. I couldn’t do that to him.
I took two rapid steps back, shaking my head.
“You said we would have a fresh start at the University, Aria,” he pleaded. “This is the fresh start I want. Friendship with you isn’t enough.”
“Yes, we do need a fresh start,” I said, but my voice and face didn’t offer any hope. “In the lower city, we were tutor and student. Here you’re a mage and I’m a commonborn. We’ll be in different subjects and different spheres, and we each need to keep to our own people.”
“Aria, I can’t accept that.” His voice had turned desperate. “You said you loved me.”
“I do,” I whispered. “And that’s why I’m not going to do this to you.”
He called my name again, but I was already walking away, and I didn’t look back.
CHAPTER 14
Isomehow held the tears in, and I was glad of it when I got back into the courtyard. Gina and her friends were still waiting for me, clearly driven by curiosity.
I told them shortly that Zak was a tutor I’d once worked with, but that I didn’t expect to see much of him at the University. I could see I hadn’t entirely assuaged their interest—they knew he was a Callinos, and therefore not the sort of mage who generally tutored—but they had no choice but to accept my words. Gina’s eyes clearly signaled she wouldn’t be as easy to placate, but she wouldn’t press me further until we were alone, so I had time to think of what to say.
A headache was building behind my temples, however, and I barely made it through the first day of classes. When we had a break for the midday meal, Gina took one look at my face and suggested we eat our meal by one of the fountains. She had previously promised she would take me to see the library in our first break, but I was grateful for her forbearance. The day felt heavy and long, and I wasn’t in the right headspace for my first glimpse of the library.
Thankfully, my classes had mostly been introductory lectures, and none of the lecturers had called on me to sayanything. The others in my first year class might have thought me odd and silent, but I still had Gina to keep me company while I ate.
When I finally stepped out of the University at the end of the day, I felt nothing but relief—a stark contrast to my emotions on arrival. My family had warned me that my connection with Zak would end up spilling over into other areas of my life, and they were already being proved right.
