Lev peers up at me, asking without asking.
Pizdets. Chto mne teper delat?Fuck. What am I supposed to do now?
I would give him anything he wants. That’s the truth. He’s my weakness and my purpose, and the way he’s standing there staring at me sure as hell doesn’t make any of this easier.
“We’ll see.” I keep my tone even, not trusting what comes out of me when I let myself feel too much. “Say goodbye now, Lev.”
“B-b-bye,” he whispers.
Rue rushes to give him one more hug, and he returns it.
When she finally steps away and waves, his fingers lift, just a little, before he grabs Sloane’s other hand again, holding on like he’s already decided she’s home and he’s not letting go.
The worst part is, I already know I won’t either.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
SLOANE
The secondwe pull away from the ranch, Mandy practically explodes in the backseat beside Lev. She’s trying to hold it in, bouncing in her seat, chewing on the inside of her cheek like the gossip is too juicy to survive another minute.
I know what she’s dying to say:I told you he’s obsessed with you.
But I don’t know what to believe anymore. The man is a well of contradictions too deep to swim through. I sit in the passenger seat, my hands curled in my lap, trying to act normal. Whatever that even means anymore.
He hasn’t said a word since we left. He just drives, one hand loose on the wheel, the other resting near the gearshift. Every so often, I feel his gaze slide over to me—not a quick glance, but a slow, measured look like he’s turning something over in his head, and I keep wondering what it is.
My attentions drifts to Lev, clutching his headphones. He’s quiet too, watching the road ahead.
“Rue really liked talking to you. Did you like her horse?”
He doesn’t answer at first, fingers tightening around the headphones, but then I catch it: his mouth tugging up at the corner as he nods.
My heart squeezes. “Yeah, I love horses too. They’re so beautiful, aren’t they?”
I used to dream about having one when I was a kid. It started with this book about a girl escaping a monster on a magical horse, and after that, I spent years imagining I had one of my own. A horse that could carry me out of the hell of my childhood. But that never happened. Magic just doesn’t exist.
I face forward again and let out a slow breath, trying to quiet the swell of emotion and all the memories it drags up.
When my eyes fall shut, I become aware of Kirill’s hand on my knee, sending warmth shooting through me. It’s as though he sensed something was off and wanted to show me he cares without saying a word. My insides give a sharp little swoop as I glance over, but he doesn’t look at me. He just drives, eyes planted on the road like none of this affects him.
Unlike me.
His thumb makes one slow pass across my knee. I squeeze my thighs together to try to tame the reaction, but it only makes it worse.
When we pull into the parking lot, Mandy climbs out slower than usual, like she’s suddenly aware of exactly where his hand still is. She glances back at me.
“Bye,” I say.
“Bye…” She shuts the door, and even from here, I can tell she’s bursting to ask a hundred questions.
“I should probably go with her.” I keep my eyes forward, afraid to look at him. “My car’s still at her place.”
“No.” His answer comes out low and final, like the decision has already been made. “I’ll take you to your car.”
My heart kicks harder as I finally drag my gaze to him. “Are you sure? Doesn’t Lev have therapy? I don’t want to inconvenience you. I need to get to the diner for my shift and was going to change at Mandy’s.”
He looks at me then, really looks, and the force of it sets every nerve in me humming.
