My exhale leaves me in a long rush.
I sit on the edge of the bed at first, watching him sleep until I slide in beside him, slow enough not to disturb him, my arm settling around him with gentle pressure.
His body moves, turning into the warmth that hits me in the chest.
My hand rests against his side, feeling the rise and fall, and I stare into the dim light while the dream keeps replaying. The baby crying, the distance stretching, the laugh that still suffocates me.
Love makes you weak. You have to kill it.
But my father was wrong. It doesn’t make you weak.
My son has given me more strength and purpose than I have ever known, and if anyone dares to take him from me, there’s nothing I won’t do to stop them.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
SLOANE
I gazeat my reflection in Mandy’s full-length mirror, tugging at the bright red minidress she basically forced me into wearing. It hugs my curves like a second skin, showing off every inch I usually keep hidden under jeans and an oversized sweatshirt.
Mandy’s already dressed in a hot-pink minidress, her silver heels making her legs look like they go on forever.
I managed to wedge myself into the lowest pair she owns, because unlike her, I can’t walk in heels to save my life.
“Okay, I look ridiculous.” I toss my waves off my shoulders and scowl at the mirror.
“You look smokin’ hot.” She leans in to inspect the makeup she did on me and grins like a proud stylist.
From her expression, you’d think I’d actually pulled this off, but I just don’t see it. I tug the neckline higher when it dips too low, but the second I do, the hem creeps up my thighs like it’s got a mind of its own. Apparently I get to choose between flashing my ass or my boobs tonight, and I genuinely don’t know which is worse.
“Stop fidgeting.” Mandy steps behind me and adjusts the spaghetti straps. “If Kirill saw you like this, he’d have a hard-on for days.”
My face lights up like a stop sign. “Stop. We’re just friends.”
“Mm-hmm. How many times do you have to say that before you actually believe it?”
I groan. “Well, good news is he’s not gonna see me dressed like I’m about to audition forMagic Mike.”
“That makes no sense since, ya know, they’re dudes. But either way, you’d kill it.” Her lips twitch. “Now give me your phone. We need a picture of you.”
“What? No. Why?”
“Oh, shush.” She waves me off and snatches it off her dresser. “Come on, do something sexy. Who knows when the next time I’ll be able to get you into a dress will be?”
“Please tell me you’re not posting this anywhere.”
“Of course not. I know you hate that.”
Instant relief hits me. She thinks it’s just because I’m private. That’s been enough of an explanation for her.
“Fine,” I mutter, stiffly placing my arms by my sides.
Mandy stares at me like she’s genuinely reconsidering our entire friendship. “Okay, no. That’s not gonna work. Put your hand on your hip and pop it out a little.”
She demonstrates, effortlessly striking a pose I could never pull off in a million years. I try to mimic her the best I can, turning slightly, one hand awkwardly on my hip, and forcing a smile that is about as real as the lashes glued to my face.
Honestly, I still can’t believe I agreed to go to this club in the first place. The night is already starting off like a disaster.
Mandy doesn’t seem to care. She snaps a few pictures, hums with satisfaction, and then starts typing something into my phone like she owns it.
