I hadn’t realized how much I missed hanging out with Kaleb and his mother until this moment. The second I walked into Aurora’s kitchen, it felt like I was home.
The scent of homemade vegetable soup and cinnamon rolls fills the air. Aurora’s laughter. Kaleb giving me a hard time. And Emily.
My gaze always falls on her. Her ponytail dances along her back as she opens the black overnight bag on the counter. Too bad she’s not the Emily I thought she was.
“Did you pack a comfortable blanket?” Emily asks.
“They’ll have blankets there.”
Emily frowns at her mother’s answer. “You know the blankets at the hospital are barely thicker than a sheet. And there isn’t an ounce of softness about them. You might get lucky, and they’ll bring you a blanket that’s been warmed, but then it gets cold.”
“Fine.” Aurora waves her hand toward the open bag. “You’re right. Can you grab the blanket off the sofa and fold it up? I washed it yesterday.”
“I’ll get it.” I shove off the kitchen island. I need something to do to keep from…. I don’t know what exactly, but I need something to do.
“I can get it.” Emily takes a step towards me.
“Seriously?” My eyes narrow into slits. “I can walk fifteen feet into the living room and get it without you having to worry about me stealing the fine China.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” She grinds her teeth together as if accepting help from me is the worst thing she could ever do. “Just go get it.”
I shouldn’t have stopped here. Just because it feels like home doesn’t make it home. Emily doesn’t want me here and is hellbent on making that feeling known–loud and clear.
It doesn’t help that Kaleb accused her of following us around all the time. Or that we told her to leave us alone. Well, Kaleb told her to get lost, and I went along with it because the few times I convinced him to let her tag along, he’d made her cry before the day was done. And I hated seeing her cry.
But unlike Kaleb, I know there were no romantic feelings toward me on her part. She made her choice loud and clear.
Like she said, she was bored when she wanted to hang out with us, and that’s it. If someone had asked her to count grains of sand, she’d have happily skipped behind them to join in the endless task just for something to do.
The living room remains unchanged since my college days. Photos of the siblings line the walls, depicting varying stages of development. The sofa and recliners are the same. Worn, but comfortable. The room could use a new paint job to cover the scuff marks from backpacks and baseball bats that marred the wall.
“Hey, man.” Kaleb claps me on the back. “It’s good to see you again. I’m glad you moved back.”
“Thanks. I don’t know if it was the right decision.” I snatch the blanket Aurora described off the edge of the sofa.
As I fold it, the scent of laundry detergent and cinnamon fills my nose, and another wave of nostalgia hits me in the gut. Maybe that’s all this is. Maybe I wanted to come back because I missed my childhood.
It’s easier to believe than the alternative. That part of me thought Emily would still be here. That she’d still look at me the way she used to and admit that she only pushed me away because she was afraid I’d reject her.
I didn’t come back for Emily. I didn’t. I swallow hard, panic threatening to choke me.
From the doorway, I watch Emily. She’s beautiful. From the first time I saw her, I couldn’t take my eyes off her. Then, it was because she was so full of life and laughed all the time. She was pure sunshine. But as she grew, it became an obsession.
I hated it when she had boyfriends. Even if it was only stupid boys who saved her a seat at lunch. It still ate at me. It was easier to pretend I was backing Kaleb up when he told her the boy she was with wasn’t good enough for her, rather than telling either of them that I had feelings for her.
Hell, I didn’t know what I was feeling until it blew up in my face. Even in my head, she was off limits. Until that Christmas break. And then, it was too late. She probably thought I was a creepy older guy.
Except Spencer was the same age, and she kissed him. And who knows what else they did together before he came back.
My fingers curl into the gray and blue yarn. No, it wasn’t my age. It was me. She didn’t want me.
“Are you going to bring the blanket back, or do I need to come and get it?” Irritation flashes in Emily’s eyes as she waits for me to return with my cargo.
“Watch out, Jake,” Kaleb chuckles as he pulls out his buzzing cell phone from his back pocket. He turns toward the darkened television while swiping the screen. “My sister is a taskmaster.”
“Right,” I mumble as I tuck the blanket under my arm and return to the kitchen, finding her alone. “Where did your mom go?”
“She went to grab a button-up shirt for discharge.”
