I stiffen as Jake squeezes my shoulders. “Grace is just with me for another twenty-six days.” I’m going to be sick. The thought of handing her over to Iris or anyone else kills me.
But I haven’t even brought up the possibility to Jake of talking to Iris about being her permanent placement. He bought on to the idea of thirty days. But six months? Twelve months? A lifetime?
Simone kisses Grace’s forehead. “You’re such a beautiful little girl. You’re so lucky to have great people in your life.” She traces her index finger along the baby’s cheek. “Em is a wonderful mother, and my son….” She smiles and shakes her head. “He’s the best man I’ve ever met outside of his father.”
“Mom….” Jake shakes his head and stiffens against me, putting my nerves on edge. “Let’s not get carried away. Emily is only watching the baby for thirty days.”
Yeah, and Jake didn’t sign on to be a father for a ready-made child.
This was a mistake. I slip from his grasp. I should have never agreed to date him until this situation was resolved. We’re about to have our first fight as a couple, and there’s no basisfor the fight. I might not be able to keep Grace. Her mother might show up tomorrow. Children’s Services might decide I’m unworthy of a permanent placement. Hell, a million things might go wrong.
But the only thing I know is that I can’t walk away from Grace. She’s already wormed her way into my heart, and her happiness is more important than mine. I’ll do everything in my power to keep her and give her a good life.
I glance at Jake whose face has gone dark as he slips his hands into his pockets. He didn’t sign up to be a foster parent. To have his life upended at a moment’s notice. To fall in love with a child that’s not his. That was my decision. Not his.
He needs to know where I stand. I can’t let Grace become a product of the ever-revolving door of Children’s Services. The best thing for a child is love, stability, and consistency.
And in Grace’s case, that’s staying with me. I walk over to Simone. “I’ll take her.”
“Here you go, love.” She shifts the baby to me.
“So, tell us everything. How’s her sleep schedule? Eating? Napping? Are you two able to handle it? Are you getting any time to work on your relationships?” My mom prattles on. Each question causing my stomach to cramp harder.
“Hey, I need to go.” Jake nods to his mom. “I’ll call you tomorrow.” He marches over to me, kisses Grace on the forehead, and squeezes my shoulder. “We need to talk. As soon as you can get away, stop by the house.”
With that, he disappears out the door. I thought it hurt when he didn’t return my feelings. That was nothing compared to knowing I had him, and now, I’m going to lose him.
Chapter Sixty-One
Jake
The speed with which Emily froze at the thought of keeping Grace and having a ready-made family with me was a punch in the nuts. I realized moving this fast was not what she anticipated but she looked like she was going to throw up.
I pace my living room floor. That’s what I get for going all in. For opening my heart to her. To Grace. Now what in the hell am I supposed to do? The thought of losing one of them tears me to pieces. But both?
Fuck. I rake a hand through my hair and glance at the clock above the mantal for the tenth time within the last minute. I should’ve pulled her outside the second she froze. If nothing else, I’d know where we stand versus pacing like a fool in my fucking living room like a pathetic loser.
Lights flash in front of my window. I take back what I thought a second ago. I’d rather she never comes so the ending never happens.
You’re a pussy. Straighten your shoulders and man up.
Moments later, her footsteps trudge up the steps. I swing open the door before she has the chance to knock. Get it over with.
And there they are. Emily’s face is ashen as if she feels as sick as I do but its Grace’s feet kicking the blanket tucked around her that has me wanting to drop to my knees.
“I’m sorry I took so long.” Emily pulls back the blanket from Grace’s head.
“Come on inside.” Once they’re inside, I close the door. The need to fasten the lock and force them to stay takes my breath away. I shove my hands into my pockets to keep from behaving like a lunatic.
“I’m so sorry that happened.” She inhales and tips her chin out. “No, I’m not sorry. It needed to be said.”
My heart thumps in my chest. “What needed to be said?”
“The whole baby thing.” She deposits Grace’s carrier to the ground, squats, and removes her from the car seat. “We’ve just started seeing each other and….” She trails off, cradles the baby to her chest, and licks her lips as her gaze shifts to the wall behind me.
I roll my shoulders to ease the tension. “And what?”
Emily raises her free hand toward me. “I’m not upset she said it. At least not now, I’m not. I was already considering telling Iris I would like to keep Grace.”
