Rhiot was already moving, circling to Trux's blind spot with the careful movements of someone approaching a wounded animal. "Trux, buddy, it's Rhiot. You're having a Hesolga episode. You need to focus on my voice."
No response. Just that terrible, trapped look and the increasingly violent thrashing as Trux fought against whatever demons had him in their grip.
Then Kearan stepped forward.
Not cautiously, not with the careful calculation Rhiot had shown. Just walked straight into Trux's space and laid a hand on his chest, directly over his heart.
"I've got you," he said, voice quiet but carrying. "Let me take it."
For a moment, nothing happened. Trux remained frozen, wild-eyed and trembling. Then, slowly, the tension began to leach from his body. His breathing eased. The gold faded from his eyes, leaving them their normal amber, confused and then horrified as awareness returned. Kearan murmured in a language I didn't understand but recognized from previous healing episodes I'd seen him perform.
"What did I—" he started, then cut himself off as he saw the cracked wall, the scattered cushions, the wide berth everyone had given him. "Fuck. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"You're okay," Kearan said, already stepping back, his movements methodical despite the fine tremor in his hands. "Just a bad episode. Nothing broken except the wall." He bent to pick up an overturned cup, his face carefully blank. "I'll get you something for the headache."
He moved toward the small kitchen area, his back to the room as he busied himself with straightening the chaos Trux had created. No one followed him. No one mentioned the way his hands wouldn't stop shaking or the sweat beading at his hairline despite the room's perfect temperature.
But I saw it the moment his hand went briefly to his arm, fingers brushing the edge of his burn scar before he caught himself and dropped his hand back to his side. A reflexive gesture. One he'd made a hundred times before when he thought no one was watching.
Except this time, I was.
I waited until Kearan had disappeared into the kitchen, then turned to Grayson. "How long has he been doing that for everyone?"
Grayson didn't pretend not to understand. "Since before you got here."
"And?" I pressed, something cold settling in my stomach.
He was quiet for a beat too long. "That's a conversation the two of you need to have on your own. I've already told you more than I should."
The words landed like stones. How would I get my most reserved, secretive mate to finally open up?
Across the room, Trux had slumped against the wall, head in his hands, shoulders hunched with shame. Rhiot sat beside him, not touching but present, murmuring something too low for me to catch.
Normal. They were treating this like it was normal. Like Kearan sacrificing pieces of himself was just part of how our team functioned.
I pushed to my feet, ignoring the concerned looks that followed me. The kitchen was empty when I reached it; the back door stood slightly ajar. I found Kearan on the small concrete patio behind our quarters, one hand braced against the wall, head bowed as he fought for control.
"You don't have to do that," I said without preamble. "Not for me. Not for any of us."
He went very still, then straightened slowly. "Do what?"
"Take our pain." The words came out sharper than I'd intended. "Whatever just happened with Trux… you didn't just calm him down. You took it into yourself. The Hesolga. The breakdown. All of it."
Kearan's expression didn't change, but something flickered behind his eyes. "It's not like that."
"It's exactly like that." I stepped closer, close enough to see the fine lines of strain around his mouth, the dark circles under his eyes that had nothing to do with lack of sleep. "How many times, Kearan? How many episodes and injuries have you absorbed?"
He looked away, jaw working. "It doesn't matter."
"It matters to me." I reached for him without thinking, my hand closing around his wrist. "You can't keep doing this. Not without?—"
"I can do whatever is necessary," he cut in, voice hard. "That's what healers do, Parker. We take the damage so others don't have to."
"This isn't healing," I shot back. "This is self-destruction. And I won't watch you burn yourself out trying to keep the rest of us together."
Something flashed across his face… too quick to name, there and gone in an instant. "You don't get to make that choice for me."
"I'm not trying to?—"
