But I understand it, too. He’s afraid of what he might do if he loses control. Afraid that the thing growing inside him will hurt the people he loves.
I set my book aside and shift closer to him on the blanket. Giving him every chance to move away if he needs to.
He doesn’t.
His whole body goes rigid when my shoulder brushes his arm, but he doesn’t pull back. Doesn’t put more space between us, just sits there while I lean into his side.
“Hey,” I say quietly.
“Hey.” His voice is rough.
“You should be out there with them.”
“I’m where I want to be.”
“Killian—”
“I said I’m fine.” The words come out sharper than usual and he flinches. “Sorry. I just—I’m fine.”
I don’t push. Just rest my head against his shoulder and watch the others play.
Sean is now attempting to catch the ball while doing a handstand. It goes about as well as you’d expect. Micah is laughing so hard his glasses have fogged up.
“He’s going to hurt himself,” Killian mutters.
“Probably. Should we stop him?”
“Some lessons have to be learned the hard way,” he answers. “All of Sean’s lessons, actually.”
I press closer. Feel the way his arm trembles against mine.
“I’m not afraid of you,” I tell him.
He doesn’t answer.
“I know what you’re thinking. That you’re dangerous. That you might hurt me.” I tilt my head to look up at him. His jaw is clenched so tight I can see the muscle jumping. “But I’m not afraid.”
“You should be.”
“Maybe. But I’m not.”
His hand moves. I think he’s going to push me away, finally do what he’s been silently threatening to do for weeks and completely shut down. Instead, his fingers find mine on the blanket. His grip is careful, like he’s handling something fragile.
Compared to him, I guess I am.
“I don’t deserve you,” he says quietly.
“Shut up.”
“Regina…”
“I saidshut up.” I lace my fingers through his. His palm is too warm against mine. “You don’t get to decide what I deserve. That’s my call. And I call bullshit on your whole self-sacrificing alpha routine.”
He gives a laugh that’s dry as dust, but I’ll take it.
We sit there in silence, watching the others play, and for a moment things feel almost normal. Almost like we’re not living on borrowed time.
The sun is warm on my face and the grass smells like summer that won’t come for months. Somewhere in the distance, a bird is singing.
