I can see the wariness in his eyes now. The way he’s holding himself, ready to move if he needs to. He knows something’s wrong. He can probably feel it through the pack bond, or whatever’s left of the bond after two weeks of me being half-dead.
“There’s nothing that can fix this,” I say, sounding a hell of a lot calmer than I should. “I saw it. Before the werewolf, before the woods, before any of it actually happened. I had dreams.”
Rowan’s brow furrows. “Dreams?”
“The same dream. Over and over.” I swallow hard. The taste of blood is still in my mouth, phantom but vivid. “I’m hunting her. Through the forest. And I—“ My throat closes up. Forces me to push through anyway. “I kill her, Rowan. Every time. I become that thing and I tear out her throat and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.”
“That’s not going to happen.”
“You don’t know that.”
“We’re going to fix it.” His voice is firm but his eyes are desperate. “Villeneuve has contacts. There’s a siren working for the Council who specializes in this kind of thing. We’re not giving up.”
“And if you can’t?” I demand. “If you can’t fix it, what then?”
Rowan doesn’t answer.
“I need you to promise me something.”
He shakes his head like he already knows where this is going, already trying to refuse before I can even ask.
“If you can’t fix it,” I continue, ignoring his protest, “if there’s no cure, no solution, I need you to promise me you’ll do what needs to be done.”
“Killian, come on.”
“Promise me you’ll lead the pack,” I continue. “That you’ll take care of Regina and the others.” My grip tightens again. I feel his bones shifting under my fingers before I loosen up. “And that you’ll put me down before I can hurt her.”
Rowan stares at me. All the warmth leaves his face. I can see the conflict behind his eyes, the loyalty warring with the horror, the love of pack fighting with the necessity of what I’m asking.
“I can’t,” he whispers. “I can’t kill you, man. You’re my brother.”
“That’s all the more reason you have to.”
He shakes his head. “There has to be another way.”
“Promise me.” The snarl tears out of me before I can stop it. More monster than human or even wolf.
That’s what I’m becoming. That’s what’s waiting for me if they can’t find a cure. A monster wearing my face, hunting the woman I love, and no amount of hoping or researching ortryingis going to change that.
I’ve seen how it ends. I’ve lived it a hundred times in the dark.
“Promise me,” I say again, quieter now. “Please.”
Rowan’s throat works. His eyes are wet.
“I promise,” he says finally. The words sound like they’re being ripped out of him. “If it comes to that, if there’s no other way, I promise.”
I want to believe him. I really do. But I can hear the hesitation in his voice. The part of him that’s already looking for loopholes, already planning to find another option, refusing to accept that this might actually be the end.
He’ll hesitate when the time comes.
Just like he does in the dream.
And I’ll… I’ll kill her.
I open my mouth to say something else, to make him fuckingswear, but before I can speak, the door opens.
Villeneuve stands in the doorway.
