"Are you daft? Of course, I control pain."
"Yes, we understand that. I'm not talking about infliction. What if you also absorb pain?" There's a sudden excitement in Thrane's voice that catches me off guard. "You see, I've taken it upon myself to read all the files about you."
"How did you get those files? They're sealed."
"Sealed, certainly." Thrane grins. "But I have connections, you see."
"Listen – "
"The problem was, none of your so-called professors actually helped you learn what you were truly capable of, Finn. At worst, they saw you as dangerous. At best, a weapon to be used." His hand stills and he squares his shoulders to mine. "If there's a chance you can also ease suffering, would you be willing to learn to use it?"
This is the moment where all hope from his grand idea is ripped from under me. Wouldn't I have shown signs of absorbing pain earlier? This is all a waste of my time and in the end, I'm the one who will be suffering when I realize there is no hope for me. "Why are you doing this?"
"Your predecessors failed you when you needed them most. I'd like to rectify that."
"I'm not your problem to fix."
"Fix?" His eyes widen. "My dear Tronovian, you don't need fixing. You need fine tuning. Guidance to reach your full potential."
"Which is a fancy way to say fix," I gripe, mixing fresh herbs into my bread dough.
"Out of all the Harland brothers, I figured you to be the optimist." Thrane shakes his head, clicking his tongue. "I suppose that means Nyx is the positive thinker. What a truly scary thought."
"Ok," I relent. "Let's say for argument's sake you're right and I have the ability to inflict and absorb pain. You said it yourself. You read my file. There's no evidence of that being a possibility." When he remains silent and merely stares at me, I busy my hands with rolling my dough. "You shouldn't be trying to helpme. You should be frightened of me. What I can do with little more effort than breathing in your direction."
"No, what I've learned from my reading was you and your brothers were mistreated. You were feared. You were ostracized. Yet, you were expected to perform when called upon. What happened to you three in your youth is unforgiveable. I cannot change the past. I am well aware I'm taking on enough responsibility in training Atlas to ride Vidarr and Nyx would rather pluck out his eyes than listen to me. But you – I feel as if I can truly help you."
What if he's right? What if he can help me?
I should shoo him out of the kitchen and run him out of the house, but instead I find myself asking, "How would we even start?"
Thrane appears triumphant but keeps himself steady as if he's trying not to spook me into changing my mind. "By inflicting pain. On me."
"But – "
"Inflict pain in order to relieve it."
"As much as I might like to, I'm not going to hurt you."
"Well, if you won't, I will." Thrane grabs the knife and stabs himself in the thigh.
"What the fuck?" I yell as he falls to the floor.
Thrane screams from the pain, but through gritted teeth manages to grind out, "Absorb the pain."
"I can't – "
"Shut up and try!" Thrane leans his head against the cabinet, breathing in and out rhythmically. Blood is pouring out onto the kitchen floor and rather than panicking, I do as he commands and try, although I'm not sure what exactly I'm trying to do.
I press my hand to his leg and reach deep down into my soul searching for my magic. It's angry. A storm wanting to inflict more pain. But deep down, there's a warmth. A hope. A needto heal. Once I find it, I reach for that hope. It's then I realize Thrane's screams and groans have stopped.
I open my eyes. The injury is still there, but his pain is gone.
"Stars above, it worked," Thrane whispers, exhausted.
"You look surprised." My eyes widen. "Why do you look surprised? Did you stab yourself knowing there'd be a chance you were wrong?"
Thrane chuckles and resituates his body so he's sitting upright. "Sometimes you have to risk everything to discover the truth."
