"And that's a problem because...?"
"Vidarr is an ancient beast. I studied the history and lore of the war one thousand years ago. Naya's dragon was more than just a dragon – he was a weapon. What if…" He swallows and clears his throat. "What if I'm not worthy of him? He battled with Naya Valanor for shits sake!"
"He also lost Naya Valanor." I finish my drink and set the glass on a coaster on the windowsill.
Atlas tilts his head, curiosity plastered on his face.
I wave him off. "I might not have paid that much attention during our history lessons but attending Professor Riggs' class with Shaye and being around the Basilius clan long enough, I've picked up a few things."
"Fair enough."
"The point is, you aren't Naya. Vidarr knows that. He doesn't expect you to be her either. Just like Drexel didn't expect meto be Armas Basilius." Then it hits me. "Maybe that's why they chose us."
"What do you mean?"
"We are different than their former riders," I piece my theory together. "Vidarr didn't have to come back, but he did for you. Maybe he senses things won't end with you the way they did with Naya. Maybe he wants a chance to redeem himself, bearing her death as his failure."
My brother leans back, reclining deeper into the leather couch, and smiles.
I roll my eyes. "Oh, here we go. Why are you smirking at me like that?"
He clicks his teeth. "I hate to say it, Nyx, but I think you're maturing."
I stick out my tongue in disgust. "Never that!" My smile isn't full, but it's the most I can muster.
"Maybe you're right."
I slap a hand to my chest. "I'm sorry… I thought I heard you say I was right."
He shoots me a look. "Don't push it, asshole. I'm only going to say it once."
"I just wish someone else was here to bear witness to the occasion."
He shakes his head before narrowing his gaze on me. "Now, you know what's kept me up all night. Why are you still up this late?"
I hate having uncomfortable conversations. I would rather streak through the city nude than bare my soul. But he was honest with me. The least I can do is be honest with him. I strike a few more sad notes on the piano. "You ever have a feeling that something bad is going to happen?"
"Sometimes," he admits.
"Well, I've got that feeling."
He frowns. "Is something going on I don't know about?"
I shrug and shake my head. "Perhaps its exhaustion setting in. It's been eventful the last year. Maybe the girls are right. Maybe I should consider settling down."
"Is that what you want?"
"I don't know." My hands settle atop my lap and I sigh. Might as well tell him the truth. He ought to know. "When I see you and Shaye together, part of me is jealous I don't have that. Then again, the thought of committing myself to one woman not knowing if I'm capable of dying …"
He leans forward, his hands hanging between his knees. He takes his time to speak, probably mulling over my unspoken fear. "You think you won't die?"
"Who knows?" I roll my shoulders back, my back starting to hurt from sitting on this bench for so long. "No one has my affinity. If you were me, would you give your heart and dedicate your life to Shaye knowing there's a possibility you might have to live without her?"
Atlas' smile is a sorrowful one. "I have given my heart to her knowing she might outlive me, which is just as depressing."
"Outlive, sure but – "
"She is a Basilius and a Sol, Nyx. One is immortal, the other has a ridiculously long lifespan. I have no idea what that means for Shaye and it guts me to think she'll have to walk this world alone one day because of my mortality."
