Standing this close to him, I notice how bloodshot his eyes are, and it is jarring.
"Which is?" I refrain from asking when the last time he slept was.
"I tell her how I feel," he swallows hard, "and she rejects me and I lose her as a friend."
"You don't want to be her friend."
He flinches. "Yes, I do -"
"Stop it," I say forcefully. "You want her to be yours. Be honest with yourself."
"I am being honest," he snaps.
Disbelief flutters in my eyes but before I say something harsh, I decide to switch my tactic. I'm not talking to Nyx who requires a battle axe to break through his thick skull. I'm attempting to reason with Finn and perhaps a gentle approach will be favorable.
"As much as I enjoy Shaye's company and her friendship," I perch myself on the edge of my mattress, "I could never accept our relationship staying that way forever. I knew deep in my soul she was meant for me. I gave her space to figure some shit out, but in the end, I was going to pursue something with her."
A short silence passes. "And if she said she wasn't interested in you in that way?"
"I would have respected her decision."
Finn frowns, scoffing. "Now look at who isn't being honest. Had Shaye rejected you, it would have crushed you."
"Yes, it would have," I snarl, frustration bubbling in my gut. "But even if she had rejected me, at least I would have had an answer. I wouldn't have to live on the edge of maybe for the rest of my life. Wouldn't have to be burdened by the fear of losing her or keeping my intentions secret."
"It's not so simple," Finn snatches his glasses from his face and cleans them with a cloth from his pocket.
"Do you really believe Eris doesn't feel the same for you?" I ask and he stills.
He refuses to look at me, quietly returning to cleaning his glasses before slipping them up the bridge of his nose. "There's a chance – "
To hell with being gentle. I suppose I'll have to use the Nyx method. "Do you really believe Eris doesn't feel the same for you?" I repeat, harsher than before.
"A small part of me fears she only sees me as a friend. Nothing more," Finn admits, his shoulders tensing.
"Then show her you're more," I stand, doing my best to emphasize the importance of him not giving up before he's actually tried. "Tell her how you feel. Take the risk or let her go."
"Easy for you to say," his voice is low and raspy. "You already have yours."
"Finn," I draw his pained gaze. "I've watched you suffer in silence far too long. I can't continue watching you torment yourself when you can do something about it."
"Then close your eyes, Atlas."
A bewildered chuckle escapes me. "That's your response? Close my eyes? Ignore your suffering?"
He lifts a lazy shoulder. I can see him checking out of the conversation. "It's not your burden to bear."
"I'm your brother – " I step toward him only for him to backpedal into the hall.
"Yes, you're my brother. Not my keeper." He turns on his heel and marches to his room.
It pains me to say it, but he needs to hear the truth. "One day, Eris will move on."
Finn halts his retreat but doesn't turn back to face me.
"After years together, with countless opportunities to come clean to her, you will have no one to blame but yourself when she finds someone else."
Finn tosses me a broken look over his shoulder and it reminds me of when we were kids and he'd shut down, refusing to listen to reason. "So be it."
