“It’s not that easy,” Aiden ground out, feeling bitterness spread from his chest outward. Impossible was more suitable a word for it, but he didn’t want to worry Rickunnecessarily or drag the man back into the ugliness of sorrow and grief.
And besides, what if he couldn’t return from this? Did it even matter? Claudia was dead and he didn’t have anything worth going back to. Maybe if he saw this through, maybe then hecouldtry to live again. But if the pain and anger disappeared, if he did move on, then what would be left of him? Who would he be?
Rick looked at Aiden fondly, worry and pity swimming in his eyes. “I know. But it’s something you have to do. For yourself. Claudia… would’ve wanted you to.”
Aiden averted his gaze and dropped his arms to his sides, tracing the stone he carried in his pocket. Claudia’s amber eyes and smile swam up to the surface of his mind, nostalgic and pretty. He held no doubt his fiancée would have wanted him to move on with his life. To forget her eventually so he could find someone he could love and let love him again. But the lack of answers, not knowing why she had died when she needn’t have, weighed on his mind every single hour of every day.
Had he tried to move on? Honestly, he wasn’t sure he could. Or that he wanted to. Not until he’d exhausted every possibility to make sense of it all.
“I…” Aiden croaked, then cleared his throat. “I need to understand what happened to her and why. And I promise I’ll tell you everything. Just give me a bit more time. Please. Can you do that for me?”
Rick frowned. “Her murderer is a psychopath. Psychopaths don’t make sense.”
Darren Howe did. So far. He was nothing like the deranged man the media had portrayed him as, but Aiden couldn’t rule out the possibility of that simply being a mask. A persona. The signs were there even though Aidencouldn’t pinpoint a reason as to why Darren needed to pretend in prison. It felt like he was hiding something, and Aiden needed to find out what that something was.
“I know that’s what the report said, but it just doesn’t add up. There is something more, I know there is. Darren Howe’s diagnosis… What if they made a mistake?” Aiden argued, convinced even more so than before that the scenario was a lot more likely than he’d thought.
His mind was a jumble, but if Cleveland was lying, then this was possible too, wasn’t it? An easy way out, so the public got a satisfactory explanation and the investigation could remain confidential. The question waswhy.
“Aiden—”
“Rick… I loved her. Still love her. I can’t just forget her and get over it when the man who took her away from me is still alive and I have no idea why.”
“Bad things happen to good people. She didn’t deserve it, and neither did you. But you need to move on.” At Aiden’s shaking head, Rick’s eyes turned sad. “You are the only one left. Hell, I remember the last time Marcus visited. Before you packed up and left for Europa. He desperately wanted you to let it go, to allow yourself to move on like he had. Her ownfather, Aiden.”
Aiden remembered it too, the way Marcus had sat down more than once, listened while he wailed and shouted and lost it. Marcus had pleaded Aiden to let Claudia rest in peace and rebuild a life for himself just like he and Laura had started to do.
Even now, Aiden didn’t know what to think of that. Marcus had been obsessed with his daughter, and yet he’d let her go. He’d moved on, even when she’d always stood at the center of his world. But the thing was that unlike Aiden, Claudia’s parents had been present in court and hadhad the chance to stand face-to-face with the monster and find their own closure.
Still. How could they just… move on?
“I will try. I promise,” Aiden said after a pause and found that he meant it. “I just…”Have one last thing left to do.“I’m close.”
A week and he’d confront Claudia’s murderer. Would Darren lie? Aiden didn’t think he had any reason to, not when it wouldn’t change anything for him.
“And what happensafter?” Rick demanded, suspicion snaking its way into his voice. “What happens after you’ve done whatever you are planning to do?”
Aiden didn’t think about the after. Didn’t allow himself to.“I will… leave Europa, I think. Go back to Earth and… make a fresh start,” he said weakly, hoping his friend would take that as an answer.
Rick just sighed. They chatted about his job and plans, and the rest of the afternoon flew by. They ended up grabbing dinner at one of the stir-fry places by the covered pipes that weaved all around Sinhle, protruding half a meter from the ground and supplying Europa’s capital city with triple and quadruple recycled water for domestic use and drinking.
It was after they’d gone through three drinks each that Rick offered they check out one of the night bars, but, even tipsy, Aiden didn’t accept. His libido had died along with Claudia, so there was little reason for him to seek out a hookup if he couldn’t even get it up. Besides, he just didn’t have it in him yet to put himself out there no matter the number of interested men and women.
So, bidding his friend a goodnight and a pleasant journey back to Mars, he boarded the 11 p.m. tram and went home to his empty apartment.
Chapter 11
Darren’s day started likeany other, even if it was technically the weekend. But weekends didn’t really matter in prison, so he got up and did his workout as usual, joined Matt for breakfast, and spent most of the morning doing nothing.
“No library study session today?” Nyle drawled, walking over just as lunch was about to start. His mischievous blue eyes roamed Darren’s face appreciatively.
Darren felt his mouth lift even if he aimed for a stern expression. “Playing clueless?”
Nyle mock-gasped, touching his chest. “Who, me? I wouldnever.”
Darren leaned against the stairs’ metal railing and cast his gaze around. The buzz of the mess hall as people lined up at the food counters was all around him, giving his and Nyle’s conversation a level of unintended privacy. “Everything’s in place then?”
“Mhm. Got delivered earlier this morning at the agreed spot. Three boxes of cigarettes disguised as a batch of that nasty pasta along with a box of lollipops posing as protein bars,” Nyle said, wrinkling his nose as the kitchen staff clanked with their ladles and the queue started to move. “I’ll save you a plate.”
