A bittersweet mix of loss and joy spreads through my chest because I feel free and happy to be experiencing this now. To be able to see this. At the same time, I become aware of the extent of what my parents and brother have kept from me. What they have taken from me.
Nicolas turns onto a forest trail that I almost miss, and shortly after, we stop in front of a cozy cottage. It’s not huge but beautiful. Somehow romantic. Both real and unreal at once.
A bit stiffly, I get off the bike and realize that my muscles feel sore and that my butt hurts. Groaning, I pull off my helmet while Nicolas parks his motorcycle sideways next to the cottage, so it can’t be seen from the front. Sad, but necessary.
“Looks like you survived the ride in one piece, but why do you have that sour expression on your face?” Nicolas closes the distance between us and stands in front of me, studying me carefully.
“My butt hurts,” I reply shortly, and he bursts out laughing.
“That’s all you’ve got? But if it makes you feel better, I’ll take care of your beautiful backside later.” He leans toward me again,and my heart immediately starts pounding faster as he presses a kiss on the top of my head, just like that.
This soft and gentle side of him is unfamiliar, and yet I crave exactly that. He cares for me. It’s so new, so strange, and yet I soak it up like a sponge.
“Come on now, I’ll show you everything, because for the next few days you belong entirely to me.” He looks at me intently and holds out his hand, which I take, completely overwhelmed by the emotional turmoil raging inside me. Butterflies in my stomach, nerves, and fear make me stumble behind him like I’m high.
I’m amazed when I enter the little stone house. It’s so cozy and inviting, yet still modern and not old-fashioned at all. The lower level is one big room where the kitchen and dining area flow seamlessly into the comfortable living room. The highlight is the open fireplace right in front of a wide, very comfy-looking couch. Everything here radiates warmth, and I immediately feel at home.
“Dreamy. I never want to leave,” I exclaim, enchanted, and Nicolas smiles as he lifts me onto the large granite countertop in the kitchen.
“You don’t have to leave for the next few days. Are you hungry? Or is your stomach too sensitive after the ride?” He grins cheekily, and I raise an eyebrow.
“Don’t tell me you can cook? And no, my stomach is fine. It was… it was amazing,” I honestly admit, which draws a smile from him that nearly makes me faint.
Good God, this man is going to be my absolute downfall.
“I can cook, Goldilocks—I was in the army, where you pick up at least the basics. The rest, my brother showed me back at my city apartment because I wanted to learn. Believe it or not, I’m not into eating takeout every day. I’d much rather cook for myself.” His words make my heart ache, but at the same time, itfeels good because I’m slowly realizing Phil and Nicolas weren’t so different after all.
“Phil always said the same thing,” I smile wistfully. Nicolas instantly grows serious, and I see the sadness in his eyes.
“Yeah, he always said a man should also be able to…”
“…take care of himself,” I finish, and we both laugh.
“Yeah, that’s how he was. I miss him, Goldilocks. He would’ve known exactly what I had to do… and probably would have kicked my ass more than once.”
You can hear in every word how deeply he misses his brother, which makes me rethink my original impression of him. Philipp clearly meant a great deal to him, quite the opposite of what I first thought.
Impulsively, I wrap my arms around his waist and rest my head on his chest. His heart skips a beat, and I have to smile briefly because apparently, he reacts to me too, not just me to him.
“Why are you so… so…” I search for the right words as his chest vibrates and he laughs softly, hugging me back and resting his chin on my head.
“So arrogant? Rebellious? Selfish? Is that what you mean?” A little caught, I hide my face in his shirt, even though he can’t see it, and he laughs even more. “Don’t worry, Goldilocks, you’re not the first to think that of me. And it’s true to some extent. When you have a father you can never please, who keeps reminding you over and over that you’re not good enough, that you’re not what he expects you to be… well, you become like that eventually.” He lets out a deep sigh before continuing, and I begin to understand, quite clearly.
“At first, I tried everything to please him all the time. But it was never enough. Then I joined the army, and after that, I didn’t give a damn what he thought. I did my own thing,” hefinishes, and his voice has turned hard. It weighs on him. It bothers him.
Well, so much for arrogant and self-righteous, huh?
“You’ll never be able to please everyone, no matter how hard you try. I’ve learned that by now,” I murmur, more to myself than to him, but of course he hears it.
“It’s no different with you, right? Sorry, Goldilocks, for saying this, but your brother is an arrogant asshole.” My heart skips a beat, then races at the mention of Henry, and a flicker of fear that he knows something flashes through me. Still, I can’t suppress a snort.
“He is. Especially since my parents died. But I don’t know any different. They weren’t any better, quite the opposite.” Now I have to watch what I say, because Nicolas is making it incredibly easy for me to pour out my heart. But I can’t. I just can’t. Even thinking about saying it makes me break out in sweat and feel sick.
“That’s why you’re like this in public, right? So controlled and proper and good.”
I lean back a little and see his eyes darken and sparkle as he looks at me.
“You’re not as prudish as you seem. On the contrary…”
