He’s doing what needs to be done, just like Philipp would have,a small voice in the back of my mind reminds me. But to hell with that voice. My brother is dead. And my father is only thinking about his duty, the people, and the crown.
I hear a rumbling in the distance, and I breathe deeply in and out. Of course, that idiot has to follow me. And since Damien certainly wasn’t driving himself anymore, he must have informed Cedric. He and Damien have been my best friends foras long as I can remember, but right now, I don’t want them here. I want to be alone.
Cedric’s bike, a Kawasaki Ninja ZX 10RR, pulls up next to mine, and I close my eyes for a moment before slowly turning my head in his, or rather, their direction, because, of course, Damien is sitting on the back, completely wasted. Both wear only hoodies and helmets instead of the usual leather suits, and Cedric flips up his visor, studying me with a serious look. Meanwhile, Damien stumbles off the bike, almost faceplanting in the process.
“Bro… dude. Cut the crap and sit down before you try flying,” Cedric grumbles at him, nodding toward the edge of the cliff, but Damien waves him off, yanks off his helmet, and looks at me with bloodshot eyes.
“Are… are you insane? I… I can’t… I won’t… Shit, man, you can’t be riding drunk. Not after…” He trails off, and once again, the pain and torment in his eyes hit me, making me feel sick.
Without a word, Cedric gets off his bike and supports our friend, who can barely stay on his feet.
“How the hell did you manage to get here without a scratch with HIM as your passenger?”
Cedric shoots me a look that says I should just shut the hell up, even though he still has his helmet on. After all, I made it up here drunk and in one piece too.
“As you’ve likely noticed several times in the past, our friend here has a very persuasive nature. And since you both have a remarkable talent for doing stupid things… here I am.” He lets go of Damien, who’s now trapped in his apathetic state, sitting crosslegged on the ground, and pulls off his helmet. When he looks at me, I can see the worry in his eyes. He quickly looks me over, but probably realizes that I’m the lesser of two evils and shifts his gaze back to Damien.
“I’m starting to worry about our friend here. I’ve never seen him so completely out of it,” Cedric says, glancing over the valley and the glittering city below. That sharp pain pulses through my heart again.
“He liked Phil. He knew him since we were kids. It’s… fuck, Ced, I just don’t know how to deal with all this crap,” I stammer out, trying to put my thoughts into words. “I mean, Phil was always there. He was… no, he IS my conscience. How am I supposed to do this without him? Damn it, how am I ever supposed to fill his shoes?”
The pressure and the weight my brother left behind for me to bear are immense. I’ll never be able to live up to it. Never.
“By just doing it, Nic. You know the rules. You know what matters. You know what Phil would’ve liked to change. You just have to pull yourself together. And if anyone can do it, it’s you.”
I glance at Cedric, who’s looking at me seriously, and I swallow hard.
“Yeah, I just need to pull myself together. Hmm…” I laugh bitterly. “And yet, it still won’t be enough for my father. I’m not Philipp.” The truth still tastes like ash. I will always be the rebellious son who doesn’t want to conform, no matter how hard I try.
“When you’re king, none of that will matter. Until then, you’ll just have to suck it up and get through it. He can only get to you if you let him. Show him you’re not the same Nicolas you used to be.” Cedric looks at me, knowingly, almost admonishing.
He keeps telling me to take a step toward my father, but it’s not that simple. And I fear that after Philipp’s death, it’s only going to get harder.
“We’ll see. What do we do with him now?” Not wanting to dwell on the topic any further, I nod toward Damien, who’s still sitting apathetically on the ground.
“Let him sober up and take him home, as usual. He’ll get through it. He has to. We all have to.” Cedric looks pensively at the city lights again, and I can hear the sadness in his voice.
He gives my shoulder a brief squeeze and then settles down next to Damien, while I continue staring out at the city and my country.
Even though I want to be alone, having them here gives me the support I need.
And they know it.
An annoying beepingsound reaches my ear as I groan and roll onto my side to see what’s bothering me. My head is pounding hard, and when I open my eyes, a sharp pain shoots through my skull.
Oh, fuck.
But the beeping doesn’t stop, and I vaguely realize that it’s my phone.
“Damn it, man, turn that off,” comes an irritated voice from the other side of the room, and I grope around on my nightstand for the noisy culprit.
Get your ass here, or you’re going to have a huge problem. I can’t stall them any longer.
Oh, damn it!
I’m instantly sitting upright in bed, even though my brain doesn’t appreciate it one bit.
My father. I overslept.
