“You gonna stand out here all night, Gremlin?” Kash asks.
“What… I—uh… just got here,” I say a little embarrassed. He taps two fingers on the peephole on the door and smiles.
“Would you like to come in?” he asks. Would I? I enter his room, where he has made a makeshift couch on the floorout of pillows and blankets. Spread out in front of it is another blanket with snacks, and my favourite vitamin water.
“This looks… cozy,” I tell him. His smile grows. “I like to be comfortable when I watch movies.” He holds out his hand as if showing me where to go and sit down.
I sit down on a pile of pillows, and Kash sits beside me, grabbing the remote and turning on Netflix. “I thought we could watch The Conjuring. I know you love horror movies.”
“I do,” I tell him, grabbing a peanut M&M and popping it in my mouth. “I also love M&Ms, the vitamin water, sweet and salty popcorn, and licorice nibs, but clearly you knew that too.” I give him a side-eye look, but he shrugs.
“I pay attention, and you have the biggest sweet tooth of anyone I know,” he replies.
“Kash?” My voice softens, suddenly shy. “Why am I here?” He runs his hand through his brown, wavy hair.
“I just thought we could hang out tonight. Is that weird?” he asks.
Yes.
“No, not weird.” I shake my head and lean back into the makeshift couch, pulling a blanket over my lap. Kash pauses for a moment, his mouth slightly ajar as if he wants to say something else, but he doesn’t. He hands me the bowl of M&Ms and sits back.
“Let’s rock ‘n’ roll,” he says, and hits play on the remote.
We’re almostan hour and a half into the movie, and we haven’t said anything to each other since it started. I can feel him watching me. I pretend like I don’t, but I can feel the intensity of his eyes on my face, and it makes me feel self-conscious. I look over at him, and he looks away just as quickly. I pick up the remote and pause the movie. When Iturn back to the screen, his eyes are back, and I try to hide my smile. It feels like we’re playing a game, and he’s trying like hell not to get caught. I whip my head towards him and catch his eyes glued to me, and he smiles, his little dimple showing on his left cheek.
“What?” he says with a soft chuckle.
“Why do you keep staring at me? Do I have a bug on my face or something?” I ask him, but he doesn’t answer. He watches me, his eyes dipping to my lips as I call him out. “Kash!” I shout, snapping him out of it. He blinks and shakes his head, snapping himself out of whatever thoughts he was lost in.
“Sorry, no bug on your face, it’s perfect. You’re… perfect,” he says, and I can feel my cheeks turning pink. “Vix, I—I have to tell you something,” he stutters. He looks nervous. Kash is never nervous, which makes me nervous, too. “For a while now, I’ve been feeling?—”
“Cocky? Loud? Like your ego might burst through your thick skull?” I tease. The energy in the room shifts, and I’m anxious about the words he’s about to speak out loud. He shakes his head and grabs a handful of popcorn, chucking it directly at me.
“Hey! At least aim for my mouth next time!” I giggle.
“Oh, I’ll aim for your mout?—”
The door opens, and Austin walks in, flicking on the lights.
“This is a surprise,” Austin says. “Hey, babe, I didn’t think I’d see you tonight.”
“Yeah… Kash and I are hanging out.”
“I see that,” Aussy says with a slight grin on his face. “Did you want to spend the night? I know you don’t have classes until tomorrow afternoon.”
“No!” I snap. “I think I’ll go home tonight.” I look atKash and give him a small smile. “This was fun.” He smiles back, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. He seems almost sad that I’ve chosen to leave.
I stand up and stretch from sitting on the pillows for so long, and make my way to Austin. I give him a light kiss and walk out the door, closing it quickly behind me. He’s been feeling… what? What was he going to say? Guilt blankets my heart as I walk back to my room, because even though there was some tension in that room tonight between us, I really did enjoy spending time with him, and I’m sad that it ended so soon. What is wrong with me?
TWENTY-THREE
VIX - PRESENT
I ranout of there like I was caught with my tongue down Kash’s throat. We weren’t doing anything wrong. I wouldn’t hurt Austin like that, and he didn’t seem bothered in the slightest to see us hanging out. So why do I feel so guilty for being there? The way Kash was looking at me… It felt so wrong, but at the same time, right.
Why did I like it? My stomach feels like it’s filled with a thousand drunken butterflies sloshing into one another, and I can’t tell if I feel nauseous or love-struck.
What would Austin think if he knew the thoughts running through my mind right now? Would he hate me? I ask myself countless questions, trying to work out the confusion going on inside of me.
