“Not this again. Leah, chill. It’s fine. Nobody goes up there,” Kash reassures her. We’re sneaking up to the university roof at midnight to watch the meteor shower happening tonight, and my excitement for this event is over the top. I look at Austin and smile, loving that we get to do this together. I reach for the pendant hanging around my neck,and my smile grows brighter. Looking for shooting stars has always been our thing.
“Okay, can we go now?” I plead, my patience running thin. Austin takes my hand and nods me toward the door.
“After you, beautiful,” he says, and I’m overwhelmed in the best way with the love this man shows me every day.
AUSTIN
We make our way to the roof and set up our sleeping bags. I pour each of us a drink while Kash lights a joint. He coughs up a storm, and I can’t help but snicker.
“Not as graceful as I once was.” He laughs between coughs. He passes me the joint, and I take a few puffs, my cockiness in full swing. I just about lost a lung, coughing way more than Kash did. Vix snatches the joint from my hand and sits down on my sleeping bag. Taking a few tokes, she inhales the smoke deep into her lungs, letting it sit before blowing it out into our faces.
“Amateurs,” she huffs. She passes the joint in Leah’s direction, but she shakes her head.
“You sure? It won’t bite,” she says.
“I’m good with my drink.” She wiggles her cup. We keep the pot circulating until the joint is finished and turn on the small radio Leah brought with her.
The silent moments in our group feel overwhelming. I don’t know what has changed or shifted, but something is off, and I want things to go back to the way they were.
Kash’s eyes are glazed over, the pot having hit him in all of the right places. I can’t help but wonder what he’s thinking about. Is he thinking of her?
He watches the girls talking and giggling while sipping their coffee, and I feel a pang of sadness for my friend. I seehim smile to himself when Mavix smiles and then drop his head like he’s ashamed of his reaction to her magnetic energy.
“It’s okay, you know,” I say, grabbing his attention.
“What is?” he asks, still not looking in my direction; he can’t seem to peel his eyes from the ground beneath him.
“How you feel,” I state simply.
“I feel high as a kite right now, so if that’s what you mean, I’m relieved.” He chuckles. I nudge his shoulder and nod towards Mavix.
“You know what I mean, Kash.”
He takes a deep breath and exhales as if he has been holding onto the heaviness of his feelings for too long.
“It’s not okay, Aus. Nothing about how I feel is okay,” he admits, and when he looks up to meet my gaze, I see the pain and longing he’s been holding on to. I purse my lips, taking a moment to think of what to say next.
“Are you going to tell her?” I ask him. Most men would lose their minds if their best friend admitted to them that they have feelings for their girl. And at first, I did feel that way. Hell, I struggle daily with the thought of anyone else loving her the way I do. I feel protective and jealous, not wanting anyone to pose a threat to my relationship with Vix. But of all people, Kash? I know his heart, and I know he doesn’t fall for anyone. So if he is falling for Vix… How can I be mad when I know exactly how it feels to try to push those feelings away?
“No!” he exclaims, a worried expression crossing his face. A line forms between his brows as he seems to be internally struggling with what to say.
“I wouldn’t do that to you—to both of you. I care about you both, and I wouldn’t ever want to do anything to make this weirder than it already is. What you two have builttogether, after all of that time spent apart, is something I admire every day. You two are soulmates, and I’m just the guy who fell for a girl who’s dating my best friend.” He drags his hands down his face. “I feel like a bag of shit, man,” he says, and I shake my head.
“You can’t help who you love, Kash.”
“Whoa, whoa, I didn’t say love. Do I have feelings for her? Yes, but love?” He looks over at Vix as she laughs at something Leah said.
“I’ve never loved anyone,” he says, and I know, without a doubt, in that moment that he does love her.
“Fuck,” he whispers. And I exhale a breath.
“I know better than anyone what it’s like to let a moment slip away. I waited years before ever telling Vix how I felt, and we wasted so much time in between that we could have had together,” I empathize. “Now I’m not saying that I want you to run off into the sunset with my girl. But I do think you should tell her how you feel. If not for you, then for her.” He looks as shocked as I feel at the words coming out of my mouth.
“And what happens if she feels the same way I do? Then what? It’s better I just let this die, Austin,” he says, pain laced in his stare. He doesn’t want to lose either one of us.
“If she feels the same way, then only she can decide what happens next. I’m not going anywhere, and I’ll fight like hell to be with her. But I won’t stand in your way either. You’re a good guy, Kash, my best friend, and she’ll be lucky to have someone with your heart loving her too,” I tell him, and he looks at me like he’s meeting me for the first time. I point between us. “We’re good, we’ll always be good,” I tell him and pat him on the shoulder. “So stop being awkward as fuck and bring Kash back. We’ve missed you.” He chuckles and then sighs.
“Be careful what you wish for,” he teases.
