PROLOGUE
VIX - AGE FIFTEEN
Our birthday isin two days. It’s our favourite day of the year. Austin will tell anyone and everyone that we share the same birthday and invite them to celebrate with us. Today, though, Aussy has been in a bad mood. I’m not sure what’s wrong or if I’ve said something to upset him. I know his dad has been home for the last couple of days after one of his out-of-town business trips. That usually sets him on edge.
He doesn’t get along with his dad. He’s always felt a sense of responsibility for taking care of his mom and their household. A weight that a teenage boy shouldn’t have to carry on his shoulders.
“Everything okay, Aus?” I nudge him with my elbow as we sit on top of our picnic table, staring out at the glimmering lake.
“Yeah, just home stuff,” he mutters, and I nod, trying not to pry.
“You know I’m here, right? If you want to talk about it,” I tell him. I loop my arm through his and rest my head on his shoulder. No matter what the world has thrown our way, we’ve always made it through the stormstogether. He leans his head on mine and sighs. I can’t help but wonder what he’s thinking. Why does he look so sad?
“I know, Vix.” He sniffs, and I swear from the corner of my eye, I see a tear rolling down his cheek.
I don’t say anything, not wanting to bring any more discomfort to the turmoil that’s going on inside his head. It’s sending my brain into a tailspin, not knowing what’s wrong.
When Austin isn’t whole, I feel like a piece of myself is also missing. We sit here, silent for a while, just enjoying each other’s company, watching the ripples on the water.
“So what would you like to do tonight?” I ask, giving him the option to choose something that will make him happy and hopefully shift his mood. He sighs. He’s fighting with himself about something he won’t say out loud. Standing from the table, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small box. It’s wrapped in newspaper, the way we used to wrap gifts to one another when we were younger. He places it in my hands and shifts his gaze to the ground; he won’t meet my eyes.
“Open this on our birthday. No sooner,” his words are clipped. Austin pulls me into a hug, and the warmth of his arms around me is the most comforting feeling I have ever known. He kisses my forehead, then turns on his heel and walks away. Standing there, confused as ever, my heart squeezes in my chest for the pain and suffering that he carries. Where did my Aussy go?
I look down at the box where I see my name written in marker with a drawing of a flower. I run the pad of my thumb over it, and it brings a slow smile to my face. Tonight was off, and I can’t put my finger on why. I know not to push when Austin is feeling down about his home life; he would tell me if there was something he needed to get off his chest. I hop off the table, put the box into my sweatshirt pocket, and begin my walk back home, hoping that tomorrow, Austinwill be feeling better. He loves our birthday. He has to feel better.
AUSTIN
I couldn’t bear to stand there holding her, threading my fingers through her hair as I gripped her tight against me and not tell her it was goodbye. I’m leaving tonight, and I won’t be coming back for a long time. She wouldn’t understand. She would tell me to stay, and it wouldn’t be safe for her or her mom if she knew where we were going.
Tonight I held her, perhaps for the last time. I didn’t want to let go, and I longed to tell her about the feelings I’ve had for her all these years. But it wouldn’t help. It’s better if she hates me. Better if she isn’t exposed to this fuckery of manipulation and criminal activity.
My family needs to run because of my father’s choices. Bad people are after us, and they’re out for blood. I can’t involve her in this life and put her in danger. Which means I can’t continue to love her the way that I do. I walk home, tears streaming down my face, my eyes bloodshot, and my head throbbing from all of the tension in my body. I’m so angry, and my heart feels like it’s about to tear right out of my chest.
As I walk through the door of my house, I slam the screen behind me and hear my father shout tocool it. I flip him the finger as he continues to yell profanities at me like his words actually hold any weight. I punch my fist into my bedroom wall over and over, leaving holes in the drywall, no longer giving a shit about keeping my composure. Warm blood smears across my knuckles, split from my emotional outburst. Here, within these four walls, I don’t have to mask my emotions, and I release the fury that has been building upinside of me. My entire world is burning, and I’m forced to sit here and watch it go up in flames.
I scream, I cry, I throw everything off my desk, and then finally, I drop to the floor, accepting the defeat coursing through my body. Vix, my Vix… How will I go on every day without seeing her face? How will she feel when she wakes up tomorrow and sees that I’m no longer here? It’s not fair. It’s not fair to have to live such a secretive and deceitful life from the people we love, all because of one man’s selfish actions. He’s embezzled millions of dollars and has pissed off a lot of very powerful people. And all for what? His own selfish gain.
I don’t know if Vix will ever forgive me for leaving her, but I do know that no matter how long it takes, I’ll do everything I possibly can to try and win her heart again, even if it kills me.
VIX - TWO DAYS LATER
I stare at the candles burning. The wax is melting onto the frosting while my mom waits for me to make a move. I’m supposed to make a wish, but what is there to wish for when the one thing I’ve wanted the most is gone, the one person who is an extension of who I am has been taken away from me, and he’s never coming back.
A tear rolls down my cheek, and I don’t bother to wipe it away. I feel a wave of numbness rolling through me, and I have no desire to celebrate the day without him. He left. He left me—the only person I’ve ever loved, who Ithoughtloved me back.
“Come on, bug, make a wish. Isn’t that what you two love to do? Wish on anything that you think contains a little bit of magic?” my mom asks, and when I look up to meet her eyes,my heart completely shatters. A sob tears from deep within me.
My mother comes over to my side and blows out the candles. She pulls me close to her in an embrace meant to comfort a child, but how does one feel comfort when they know in their heart that they’ll never feel whole again?
VIX - EARLIER THAT MORNING
I creep up to Aussy’s bedroom window using the vines on the side of the house as a crutch, thinking that if I’m quiet enough, I can sneak in without him noticing. I try to push it open, but it won’t budge.
It’s never locked.
I peer through the dirty glass.
Empty, his entire room is empty. I run to the front of the house and try the door—locked. I’m growing desperate as I sprint to the backyard to check the basement windows. I know they are easy to slip into. Removing the screen, I let out a sigh of relief when I see the window has been left unlocked. I slide through the small opening, breaking into the house that I’ve turned to for comfort on so many nights. Once inside, I sprint up the stairs and through the living room. Every room is empty. Heading straight to Austin’s room, I take a deep breath and open the door.
