I saved Lucy only for my love to become a death sentence.
Dad’s eyes bore into mine, the gun aimed squarely at my chest.
12
Lucy
My cheek burns from Mom slapping my face. Twice. Once for fighting her all the way to my bedroom. And once because I’ve made myself Damiano’s whore.
Mom stands before me, shaking with rage from the top of her head down to her pointed stiletto shoes. Her beautiful face is twisted in an ugly grimace.
“How many times?” she seethes, her nostrils white and pinched. “How many times have you screwed your own brother?”
I hold my hand to my stinging cheek and stare at the ground. I’m totally humiliated and aching with worry for Damiano, but I won’t be made to feel ashamed for what we’ve done. I won’t let Mom turn it into something sick and twisted. When Ariana walked in on me and Damiano in bed together, my heart dropped so fast I thought I was going to pass out.
But this is a thousand times worse, and I don’t know how I’m going to fix this.
Mom grabs my shoulders and shakes me. “I asked you how many times, you disgusting girl. Was that the first time? Has it been going on for years right under our noses?”
Dad must be saying these same things to Damiano right now. I imagine him burning up with shame for what we’ve done, and it breaks my heart.
I pull away from Mom, and I keep my mouth closed. I wish it had been going on for years. I wish Damiano had taken my virginity the first time he kissed me. I wish he’d fucked me every night and told me he loved me every day. That would make all this pain worth it. I have been given crumbs, and now even those are going to be taken away. Damiano is the only one in the world who makes this cold, suffocating house bearable for me.
This life bearable for me.
Mom flings up her hands impatiently. “You won’t speak? Then I can only assume the worst. You have corrupted Damiano with your wicked ways. How, I can’t understand. You’re sullen and hostile and you chase men away with one sour look. Damiano is good-looking and charming. He could have any woman he wants, but we find the two of you… You down on your…” She covers her mouth and shakes her head, as though she’s trying not to be sick.
I clench my fists by my sides. I need to keep my mouth shut and just endure Mom’s vicious words. I can’t cause more trouble for Damiano by having a screaming match with Mom. Right now, he’ll be convincing Dad that we made a mistake. Dad will forbid the family to speak of this again, and that will be that.
Please, please, let that be that.
“If this gets out, our family will never be able to hold our heads up in this city again. Ariana’s marriage prospects will be ruined, tainted by your wicked behavior. Everyone will think that Damiano has been screwing both my daughters.”
I have to bite back my declaration that Damiano wouldn’t touch a spoiled, petty princess like Ariana in a million years. My words must be written all over my face because Mom’s eyes narrow in hatred.
“The disrespect you have shown this family. The ingratitude. Your father and I picked you up out of the gutter and gave you the best education. Expensive clothes. This beautiful house to live in. You have paid back our generosity with venom and contempt. There is something rotten inside you, Lucy. I saw it the very first time I looked in your eyes. You were born rotten, and you have grown up rotten. You are impossible to love.”
With her words, Mom reaches inside me and wraps her hand viciously around my heart and squeezes. Haven’t I always known I’m unlovable? That’s why my real mom abandoned me. She knew I was born broken and dirty, and Mom knows it too.
Red taillights flash in the corners of my vision. My nails dig viciously into my palms.
“We should never have brought you here,” Mom seethes.
“I never wanted to come here,” I snap back. I’m only making this worse, but I can’t help myself. The pain is too big inside me, and it comes spilling out of my mouth. “I never wanted you to be my mother or Dad to be my father. Damiano had to convince me, and I have loathed every moment under this roof that hasn’t been spent with him. I hate you. I hate Dad. Every moment I spend with you both and Ariana, I wish I’d never met you.”
Mom’s eyes flash, and she pulls back her hand and slaps me again with the full force of her hatred. Pain bursts in my raw cheek and my eyes sting.
“You ungrateful little bitch!” Mom storms out of the room and slams the door. A key turns in the lock, the click loud and final.
I sink down to the floor and sob. I’ve really done it now. The only thing keeping me safe in this house was the pretense thatI am dutiful to my parents. I wonder if Mom and Dad will lock me up in here forever and tell everyone I died. I wonder if they’ll hurt Damiano because of me. There’s been real fear in his eyes when I’ve asked him what Dad’s capable of, echoes of terrible things he’s seen that he’s keeping from me. He’s always told me I don’t want to know what Dad might do to us. Maybe I’m about to find out.
With my fist clenched tight against my churning belly, I can do nothing but cry, tears dripping from my cheeks, pattering on the carpet. I’ve been abandoned. These four walls are my prison.
Just hours ago, Damiano and I were arm in arm. Side by side. We were trying to build alliances. We were partners.
I can’t hear anything that’s happening outside. Once or twice I contemplate tying sheets together and trying to escape, but I’d probably fall and break my head open on the terrace below. Besides, where would I go?
“Please let me and Damiano get out of this alive,” I whisper feverishly. “Don’t let him get hurt because of me. Let us be together somehow. He’s all I have.”
