“Even though we both wanted it.”
I breathe in sharply.
It’s not a question. It’s a statement of fact, and I can’t deny it.
She looks down at her hands, and when she speaks, her voice is small. “I’ve loved you since I was twelve years old. Not as a brother. I need you to know that.”
My heart thumps painfully.
Tell her you don’t feel the same. Lie to her. Protect her.
But the words won’t come.
I’m so tired of pretending. So tired of watching her smile at other people and knowing I can never have her. So tired of the jealousy, and of lying in bed at night, knowing she’s just down the hall, but I’ll never be able to touch her the way I want to.
“I know it’s wrong,” she continues. “I know we can’t be together. But I needed to say it out loud at least once. I love you, Damiano. And that kiss wasn’t an accident for me.”
I’m gripping her shoulders so hard I’m probably leaving bruises, but I can’t make myself let go. Every cell in my body is screaming at me to pull her close, to kiss her properly, to tell her that I love her too. That every girl I’ve dated has been a pale substitute for the one girl I can never have.
But if I do that, we’re both dead.
“Lucy. I need you to understand something. The only reason you’re alive right now is because everyone believes you’re my sister. That lie is the only thing keeping you safe from our father, from the Sokolis, from everyone in this world who would use you to hurt me.”
“I know.”
“And if I love you—” The words slip out before I can stop them. “If I love you the way I want to love you, we both die.”
Her eyes snap to mine, wide and shocked. “You love me?”
Fuck. Fuck, fuck,fuck.
But there’s no taking it back now.
“Of course I love you,” I say roughly. “You’re my Lucy. You’re the only person in this world who matters to me. I’ve loved you since you were ten years old and too scared to eat breakfast unless I was holding you. I’ve loved you through every nightmare, every tear, every smile. I love you so much it’s killing me.”
A tear spills down her cheek. “Then why—”
“Because loving you means protecting you. Even if that protection isfromme. Especially if it’s from me.” I cup her face with shaking hands, wiping away the tear with my thumb. “I wouldn’t survive losing you. But I’d rather live without you than get you killed because I was too selfish to let you go.”
A sob rises in her throat. “That’s not fair.”
“Nothing about this is fair.” I press my forehead to hers, breathing her in one last time. “But this is how it has to be. For now. Until I’m strong enough, powerful enough to change the rules. Until I’m Don Damiano instead of just the don’s son.”
Her hands clutch my shirt. “How long will that take?”
I look at her hopelessly. “Who knows.”
“We could be waiting forever.”
I say in a broken whisper, “I know.”
We stand there in the darkness, holding each other, both of us memorizing this moment. Because this is as close as we can get. This is all we can have.
“We have to go back,” I finally say. “People will wonder where we are.”
“I can’t go back in there. Not after…” She gestures helplessly.
“I’ll text Antonio, tell him to spread the word that you were upset after the Sokoli confrontation, and I’m taking you home. It gives us an excuse to leave, and it explains why we looked shaken when we left.”
