I move like I’m eighty, dragging myself to the other end of the couch and falling onto the cushions. My shirt still smells like her…vanilla, laundry soap, and sweat. Underneath, my skin burns and not in a bad way.
Arrow glances up, fingers still picking at the strings. “Date run you over, huh?” He grins, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Jesus, Ben, you look like shit.”
I try to laugh, but it comes out shredded and thin. “Yeah. Thanks for the review.”
He doesn’t let up, “Did you fuck things up, or are you just tired from using that pretty mouth of yours for once?”
The dig hits, but not in the way it should. I let my head fall back, stare at the ceiling, trying to pin my thoughts into words. They don’t want to cooperate. They just swirl around together, like one big clusterfuck. April’s voice, the look on her face when she came for me, the way my cock felt in her mouth…every detail slices in. I want to be back in that truck, her moaning my name, the rest of the world falling away.
When I don’t answer, Arrow sets the guitar down. He turns to face me, both elbows on his knees. “Talk.”
One word, and it wrecks the little control I have.
My throat burns. I try to swallow anyway. “It’s…fuck…Arrow, what I have with April, it’s not like anything I’ve ever had before. She’s perfect. I mean…no, she’s not, she’s got all this shit going on, but that’s what makes her…” I run both hands through my hair, gripping the roots until it hurts. “You should’ve seen her tonight. She just…lights up. When I’m with her, everything else is static.”
Arrow’s silent. Which is rare. Usually, he busts my balls. But right now, he’s looking at me like some science experiment he can’t figure out.
I run a hand over my jaw, desperate to feel something under the numbness. “I can’t get her out of my head, man. After tonight, it’s worse. I feel like I have no control. She looks at me, and I forget how to fucking breathe. She trusts me, Arrow. And I can’t even…” The words die, choking on what I won’t say.
Arrow shifts, then he just blurts it out. “You’re in love.”
I let out a bitter laugh, but there’s nothing funny in it. “I barely know her, Arrow.” My hands spread like that’s explanation enough.
Arrow shakes his head, but he’s smiling. “Didn’t think I’d see the day. Ben Hayes is lovestruck. About time.”
I shift, uneasy, trying to sit up straight. “That’s not the only thing. Tonight was intense. The way she…” I bite the words off, but my face must say it all because Arrow barks a laugh.
“Must’ve been one hell of a date.” He nudges me, “You do realize you’re acting like a complete pussy, right?”
I shrug, not even hiding. “Maybe I am. I couldn’t stop thinking about her the whole drive home. I can still feel her…everywhere.” My fingers tap my knee, restless. “Everything she does wrecks me. Like I want to protect her from the whole damn world, even though I know I can’t.”
Arrow goes quiet again. He picks up the guitar, but doesn’t play this time, just fiddles with the tuning pegs. He’s watching me sideways, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I can feel my skin flush, like I’ve confessed something dirty. I never talk like this. Hell, most of the time, I don’t talk at all.
“Sounds like you’re already in deep,” Arrow says finally, voice gentle, which is strange as hell coming from him. “Is she worth it?”
My answer’s immediate. “Yeah. She is.” I don’t even care how pathetic I sound. “She’s so fucking good. Not like the other girls…she doesn’t pretend. Even when she’s scared, she goes for what she wants. And when she lets go…fuck, she gives me everything, bro.”
Arrow lets out a low whistle, shaking his head like he can’t believe I’m saying this. “Damn. You got it bad.”
We fall into silence. I stare at my hands, April’s marks are still there, faint little half-moons where she dug in. The urge to text her, see her, is like an itch I can’t scratch.
The whole room suddenly feels off-balance, too small to hold all this shit inside me. I sense Arrow watching, waiting for what I’m not saying.
I bite the inside of my cheek and clench my fists. “It’s more than that. There’s something I can’t figure out.” My voice drops.“When I’m with her, it’s perfect. But I keep thinking maybe I’m about to fuck it up, or it’ll all go to hell before I get the chance to hold onto it.”
Arrow cocks an eyebrow, setting the guitar aside completely now. His full attention is on me. “Is this about you, or about her?”
My answer sticks in my throat. I honestly don’t know. “Both? Neither? I don’t even know anymore.” I shake my head, heat crawling up my neck.
He leans forward, elbows on his knees. “Let me guess. You figure, if you don’t let her all the way in, she can’t break you?”
I flinch. Arrow’s always been too good at reading the stuff I try to hide.
“I can’t let her in because there’s shit she doesn’t know,” I admit. “Stuff that would change everything. But when I try to imagine lying to her, keeping it in, it’s like…” I can’t finish. There’s a pit in my stomach, gnawing at the inside.
Arrow lets out a slow exhale. “Jesus, man. What the hell are you carrying?”
